Family Dynamic.... Day 24.

Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now...

Childhood~  I had a great childhood... We were poor but happy and healthy, until my sister got sick. She was 13 when she was diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes. When that happened it really changed our family dynamic, My Mom was always the caregiver(A bit of a Co-Dependent if you ask me) but Lisa getting sick put her into overdrive, I was about 15 so I enjoyed the little bit of freedom that the distraction gave me. My brother was 11 and since he was the baby he still got a lot of attention... until my sister got pregnant at 17, then 15 year old David lost out to the sickly pregnant girl and then the first(And still favorite) grandbaby. 

Adulthood~ My Mom and Dad raised my Niece Nicole most of the time, since her mother(My Sister) was sick, and young. She liked to come and go, and was mostly Self-sabotaging her health since being diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes/Type 1... She tried drugs and drank alot during her teenage years too which forced me into a caregiver role but my role from the chart would be the Lost Child ...I lived in a fantasy world where my family was amazing and if it wasn't I would be able to make it into one by ignoring, forcing, and smiling through the pain. My father was a real life hero, who put up with more shit then any man should have to...Which makes him the Family Hero. My Sister was the Scapegoat alot of the time, but mostly she was the Chemically Dependent person... Usually. My brother was mostly the Scapegoat and my niece was the Mascot but they switched roles frequently. Well, You probably guessed that my Mom was the Chief Enabler.... It is hard to believe that we were so usual, that they chart fits us perfectly... i assumed we were unique.

Now~ Well, You can imagine how the last decade has been... My Dad was diagnosed and died of Pancreatic Cancer in 2003, which took away our Hero and my Sister died in her sleep in 2005, which gave my mom back most of her freedom since my niece was already 15. My Mom opened her eyes and found her Lost Child.... and I was thrilled to have a Mom again. I was smothered, she had no one else... My husband was very understanding, for a long time. She moved in with us, and brought my teenaged niece with her... She couldn't afford the house without my Dad's income. She took over our house, and literally made it her own. We started to struggle financially, my brother didn't offer to help financially. i started getting resentful, I had lost my house to her control... and I had lost my job because of my advanced size and disability. I was in prison. I stayed in my room, watched TV and ate... My husband was still understanding but once he saw my health declining... He started getting angry. He told me we were moving home and she would have to find her own place. My niece had grown up  and moved back to Philly already. I was excited... The future seemed bleak, my mother couldn't live on her own, and the situation could never change. But once I had my surgery, I started to believe that I mattered again, and my happiness/our happiness mattered again. I wanted to move back home, I begged... and he had finally given in. My Mom found an apartment in Trenton, NJ right over the bridge from Philly. The rent is income based and it included all utilities. She was excited about moving back home too. She had been long distance dating her high school sweetheart and my brother had his 2 boys now, her grandsons. They live 15 minutes from her now. My relationship with my mom is bent but not broken and it is now in repair.... And someday it will be good again, I know it. But She is as obsessed with my niece and now her baby... My Mom's first Great-Grandchild. And she almost ignores my brother's 3 kids. It is sad, and I feel sorry for my brother... It seems over time he has become the Lost Child.


****I figured that I should finish this somewhat depressing post by saying... I love my family. They are quirky and weird... so I fit right in. My mom is living with her High School Sweetheart giving them a second chance at a live that my incredible Dad broke with his entrance. She had the love of a lifetime, but who says she has to live the rest of her life lonely and in mourning. Plus I am not smothered anymore, I love spending time with her and don't dread it out of obligation. I spend tons of time with my brother, his amazing wife(My Newest Sister) and their fabulous kids. We put the FUN in DisFUNctional. Life is Good, and getting Better.