Sunday, February 27, 2011

My Post-Cruise Blues and the BOOB who cured them.

My post-cruise blues... cured by BOOB to BOOB contact... On our drive home to Orlando, from Fort Lauderdale... We met up with Stephanie(Electric LadyBand) for a fun-filled lunch. We had a great talk and I was thrilled that my George got to meet another banded sister... Steph is George's 4 1/2 time of getting some BOOBtime. Counting the Bama Sisters, Kim and Kristen, And our sweet Amy W... and of course, her Heather is BOOB by association... LOL. Anyway, He has really enjoyed meeting each of them and hearing their tales from the Band... especially Heather since she shares his unique view and role, like Tessie Rose's Hubby..... Married to the Band/I'm Listening. It makes me feel great to be able to share this part of my life with my George, since we share every other part of our lives together... This journey has been all about ME... and He is my biggest fan. I love that he gotten to meet BOOBs at all points in their journey that have been where I am and that have spouses/partners that have survived the ride along. Just like a Police ride along, being on this unique Band along is an emotional roller coaster for our Lifeloves... They watch us struggle with our weight but love us unconditionally, they worry about our health and our self esteem... They fight for our equality and fair treatment (Sometimes even with their own family, like in my situation), They insist on including us and keeping us feeling special, they caress us and kiss us, even on our cellulite soaked dangily parts that we hide from the outside world... Even if they don't understand our addiction completely, they try to support us in our insane attempts to eat and swallow the expanding delicious Yums that Stick it to us every friggin' time, because this time will be different, somehow. Our journey is a very difficult one, but so is theirs... They are our sanity, our mirror, and our scale... when these items fail us, they lift us up and take over... I want to see myself through George's eyes... I am incredibly beautiful, irresistable, smart, witty, sexy, and irreplaceable there. In Reality I'm pretty great but in George's eyes, I'm Amazing! There I would find the girl that I have searched for in every diet book, mini skirt, and lipstick tube... The girl I am in theory, Is his reality. I am jealous of her... She is prancing through my George's dreams while I cling to my protein shakes and Zumba DVDs. I will find her too... A little piece of her each day.

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Now I know my ABC's....

I was tired and overwhelmed by my post-cruise blues... so I decided to ease myself back into blogging... Here's some ABC's.... A)Age:41 but I'm 28 in my mind.... B)Bed Size:Currently King but downgrading in my hometown move... to a Queen(Which I will share with my King and a little furry prince) C)Chore you Hate: I hate housework of all kinds... and I dislike driving too. So I guess the better question would be which chore don't you hate and the answer..... Shopping:Food, Clothing, actually anything and I also like to plan vacations(Is that a Chore?) D)Dogs? Q... Or Mister Q, short for Q-Tip, and his nickname is Boo-Boo. He prefers to be considered Human-Challenged, instead of a Dog and thinks he's tough even though he weighs 14 pounds and is very fluffy. E)Essential Start your day item: dancing and singing to Hey, Soul Sister gets my day off on a cheery note, but my vitamins, protein shake and Fiber Protein bar are also essentials F)Favorite Color: Blue, once I stared into my George's eyes... Purple(Childhood/teenaged years) flipped to Blue. G)Gold or Silver: Gold is making a slight comeback but I'm still a silver girl. H)Height:5'8" but I used to be 5'9"... As I'm losing weight, I'm losing height...LOL I)Instrument you play: Skin Flute.... LOL. I took piano and flute lessons but they never really took. J)Job Title:Trophy Wife... K)Kids:We are Young at Heart and not mature enough to Parent, even our furchild fends for himself once in a while but we are an amazing Aunt and Uncle. L)Live: Huh? WTF does that mean? Does this call for a clique? M)Mom's Name: Margaret but everyone calls her Peggy, it's an Irish thing... N)Nicknames: Well, My family and close friends still call me Ree or Ree-Ree, My nephew calls me Mamma Mia, and My George calls me Cupcake, Kisses, and sometimes Pumpkin Pie or Sunshine. O) Overnight Hospital Stays?: Is this a Insurance form? or a quiz? Yes... 2 P)Pet Peeves: Indifference, Bigots, Know-it-alls, Drivers who think they're more important than everyone else, People who speak in foreign languages to exclude folks, Loose Skin, People who assume WLS is the easy way out, People that think Fat=Ugly, and Bullies... (Honestly, You got me started... and that was the short list)Q)Quote from a Movie: If you can't say anything nice about anybody... Come sit by me. (Can you name the movie?) R)Right or Left-handed: Right-handed but Left winged...LOL S)Siblings: Lisa-Sister(died at 33) and David-Brother(currently 37 but behaves like he's 7) T)Time you wake up? Before you Go Go U)Underwear:Definitely,except during the 3 S's (Sex, Showers and Swimming) V)Vegetable you don't like: Asparagus, Brussel Sprouts, Peas.... W)What makes you run late? I like sleep alot. X)X-Rays, you've had done? Back to the Insurance forms again... Reach much? I like X-rated, can that be my X? Y)Yummy food you make? I will cook more... this year, but I prefer to eat in restaurants. Z)Zoo: Philadelphia Zoo... First Zoo and Rocky took Andrian there. **********Anyway, I am glad to ease back into my blogging now that I'm back on dry land... but look forward to some great picture posts and if you have any questions for me... please ask and I'll answer in an Answers? You asked for it post.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

You Guys Rock!

Well, you lifted me up again... I was nervous about writing my last post... expecting to read a bunch of "You lost 116 pounds in 10 months, I really feel sorry for you!"(Read with a incredibly sarcastic tone) or worse... the old "Just stop eating Chocolate Dumbass!" Well, instead I got real ideas on what I can do to get through this cruise and get myself back on track... Some advice I will take, like Jacque telling me to take the stairs whenever possible... some advice I probably won't take like... taking a bite of my hubby's dessert although now I can't find that comment now... but George, who I love to death seems to like fruity desserts.. not fruit but apple crisp thingys etc... and it's not dessert if it's not chocolate to me... or cake... I like just fruit... but I'm not really a fruit pie person. I shot him evil looks across the table many a meal when he ordered some stupid apple ice cream concoction... Who am I to expect him to order a dessert every time that I would like to share? Even worse, I would like him to order one that I like... even if he doesn't. Talk about needing an intervention... My sweet George, who is incredibly understanding about my addiction and the consequences of said addiction... and I should be thrilled when he orders a dessert that I don't like... because I won't eat it... and then I won't have the extra calories. It should be a good thing that he has horrible taste in dessert and candy. Well, when I said I will only eat one dessert a day, knowing myself I will wait for the perfect dessert that doesn't exist and not have any... or eat one and resent that it wasn't better, so I will get through this cruise, actively alert to my decisions and their consequences! Hi... My name is Maria and I'm a Chocolaholic... I got angry on the last cruise I was on because "What kind of chocolate buffet doesn't have a chocolate fountain?" I am changing... I promise you, but It's a 12 step program... and like Jacque says.... You have to be willing to take the steps!

Saturday, February 19, 2011

I am FAILING my Band these days!

I don't know what to say... I am not making good choices like 1/2 of the time. I am not exericising at all. And I purposively didn't get a fill since I knew I was going on a cruise this week. I am pulling the age old "I will start getting serious when I return from my cruise"... which may turn into... "I will start getting back on track when I am under less stress once I move.." and then the worst.... "I have to get my Philly foods fix out of the way and FIND a new gym and then I'll get the ball back rolling...".... I am telling you this not to hear your helpful excuses for my semi-failure or to hear your tough love suggestions... There is nothing any of you can say that I haven't said to myself... already. I have been beating myself up with one hand and shoveling chocolate into my mouth with the other... I am trying not to cry while I am writing these words. I know that I am not in a race and that my journey can take as long or as little time as my work will take me... but I know I shouldn't be going backwards and I need to feel better about my choices... at least 75% of the time. That's 25% more than I have been doing right recently. These are my promises to myself and to loyal followers. I will go on this cruise and I will walk the deck each day... giving myself the expectation of exercise.... I will choose healthy options for meals and I will allow myself dessert no more than once a day. I know that sounds like a huge luxury, but I can't deprive myself to none.... since sugar and chocolate are the main monkey on my back. I will end up binging if I restrict myself completely. As of today, I haven't gained any weight back... and I want to keep it that way... This 116 pounds lost has been hard work and I don't want to disrespect myself by taking my hard work for granted with a week or month of abandon! I think I should make a confession... I thought this would be easier, I thought that because my weight was so high and I was so seditary... that a little calorie cut and walking would drop the weight pretty quickly. Well, after I got my full appetite back after surgery... I saw how hard it was, but I was thinking, well, I need to get a couple fills and then the weight will start dropping off... i was depriving myself and eating "Lean and Green" for months... which was where the most of my weight lost came from... then carbs starting sneaking back in but I kept losing weight steadily... just not as much per week, which I could live with... but now almost 11 months after my band installation and I am breaking all the rules... eating slider foods, drinking while I eat, too many carbs, too little exercise, relying mostly on protein shakes and bars to get my nutrition in.... which has left me hungry and snacking. I am hoping that I haven't stretched out my pouch.... I have only lost a little more than 40 pounds in the last 7 months, which is... Unacceptable. That would be amazing if I was 250 pounds but not with this weight still dragging me down... The worse part about this "Plateau" is that it's deliberate... on my part. You are all so inspiring with your amazing losses and workouts. You are all gorgeous and incredible women. Most of you are over 100 pounds lighter than me... which means the weight loss is so much harder for you, than for me. What will happen to me if I struggle like this when I get to your weight? I know... I will gain weight back. I need to be real... NOW. Before I start gaining back what I've fought so hard to lose.... I chose to get this band instead of having Gastric Bypass, like most people would chose at my highest weight.... because I wanted to learn new habits and a new healthy lifestyle. I can start new tomorrow... i don't have to wait until I can keep it up without screwing up... I will screw up, and jump right back on this imaginary horse, under I can get on a real one without damaging it's spine. I love you guys! Keep fighting the Battle of the Bulge!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Me and the rest of the skinny bitches!

Well, I think I've told you all that I am from Philadelphia and therefore... I am a sports fan. I love going to the games and seeing the action live... I am a huge Phillies, Flyers and Eagles Fan... not so much the 76ers... since I am not crazy about basketball... but I really love Baseball and Hockey... Since The sports are mainly geared toward men.... There's Sexy Cheerleaders in abundance at the game. Look at me with the Lightning Girls... You can't tell the difference between us since I am re-emerging as a sexy bitch myself. Anyway, It was a great game but I was thinking about all of the "Gains" of my weight loss.... I feel great but I am talking about the Gain of the inner me... I am finding the flirt that I lost, I look in the mirror and expect to see a much thinner me.... since I feel thinner than i am, and I haven't be able to say that for years... I am seeing my inner beauty glow since I am not distracted by my outer beauty as much these days... I take more time for myself, pampering "ME"... long baths, curling my hair, makeup, skin care, pedicures and manicures... I feel beautiful again. I know I was beautiful always but I felt frumpy and worn out a year ago... I couldn't find clothes to fit me that weren't meant for older less stylist women.... I am young and I have my own style, It may not be great fashion sense like some of you gorgeous girls but it's pure me. I am finding myself again... and I like ME.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Former Obsessions=New Acceptions

Well, I guess I should admit to being a Starbucks Addict... I used to get my favorite Mocha Frappachino at least once a week... Well, They are yummy and extremely band friendly but at 270-470 calories, not very weight loss friendly. I drink Atkins Advantage Mocha Latte protein shakes to fill the void. They are only 160 calories, 15 grams of protein, and 2 of dietary fiber... at 5 carbs and 1 gram of sugar, they are much better for me than Starbucks 42-77 carbs a pop...and 40-73 grams of sugar. Anyway, as most of you know, I don't drink anything with more than 5 calories unless it's a protein shake and those have 110 unless they are my yummy Mocha Latte for a splurge of 160. I prefer to eat my calories... Have you ever savored a Protein Shake? I have... This is my story for today. What have you replaced with a weight loss friendly option?

Monday, February 14, 2011

Hey All! I found a Blogger that needs our support!

There's this great Lapbander that Jen from Oregon led me to... She has struggled but she's back on track and needs our support. I really enjoyed what I've read so far, So check her out!

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Laughing burns calories!

Fw: Hillbilly Rescue
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While havin' a shot of whiskey they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly a woman at a near by table, who is eating a sandwich begins to cough. After a minute or so, it become apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies asks her, "kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. Then he asksn "kin ya breethe?". The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly runs over to the woman, lifts up her dress! Yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her asshole a lick......
The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out.
As she begins to breath again, the hillbilly walks back to the bar.
His partner says, "I'd done heerd of dat thur HIND LICK MANEUVER.....but I aint niver seed nobody do it!"

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Introducing the New Me... Challenges and all.

Well, First... I am gonna whine a bit... about my overcoming addiction and the Super Villains at play... First of all, Stress... it makes me want to eat all kinds of junk, I don't know why? I know that there's all kinds of chemicals at play which leads me into my next super villain... Chemicals, my brain's chemical build up has to be made up of mostly chocolate and a little butter on the side. TOM... It's a fight every month, and It makes me even dislike folks named Tom just on the sheer thought provoking of TOM, and the urge for chocolate that may follow. Then there's Emotions. i am an emotional eater... Hear me Bore. I dredge on and on about how I dislike Spaetzle(German Noodles) now but I still want them... Why? You may ask. I am a first generation American. My Dad was from Germany and I miss him(He died 8 years ago)... Spaetzle and German food in general reminds me of my Daddy. But German food is dense and not very band friendly and not very healthy. I can remember family occasions based on the food or smells coming from the kitchen... Emotionally, I need FOOD to make me feel good. But Physically, I need the lack of food. So I am trying to relearn my life... daily. I am getting stronger each day... replacing the unhealthy memories with new healthy ones. Like when I went to Boma with my family, my Aunt and I gushed over the Nut crusted Salmon... instead of the decadent desserts. We love desserts... don't get me wrong but I went away from that experience reinforcing my new love of Fish. The new me loves Fish... Grouper, Salmon, Tilapia, Mahi Mahi, Tuna, and many others. I also enjoy green veggies... I never liked Mashed Potatoes but now post-band, I crave them (Damn Carbs), I still love Cake, Cookies, and almost anything chocolate but I try to savor it more... eat it slowly and really enjoy it when I do indulge. I read labels... The supermarket takes me twice as long but I feel better about my choices. I am really liking alot of Vinagrette salad dressings, but i still love cream soups. I love the challenge of getting in my protein, and fiber daily. And the scale loves me for it and so does the bathroom. i don't drink anything with more than 5 calories... and mostly water with zero. I prefer to eat my calories...I drink alot of water about 100 ounces daily. I do drink protein shakes with 110 calories for 17 grams of protein and less than 6 carbs but they are more of a meal replacement or enhancement... They are EAS Carb Advantage and taste pretty damn good. I like the Dark Chocolate the best(German-American... LOL)... If I want a candy bar... I eat an Atkins protein bar. They have 6-10 grams of protein and 8-11 grams of fiber... and I love them. The calories are pretty low too. i never eat more than 100 grams of carbs a day but this is my biggest challenge... I would like to be eating less but this is bearable... and 50 grams or less felt too much like deprivation or a diet. When I got crazy or binge.. I go over 100... but never much, which makes me smile since I know that I used to eat more than that in one meal. I am mobile... I walk and dance daily. That doesn't sound like much but less than a year ago, I was in a wheelchair daily... I cherish every lost pound... every ounce. I used to be annoyed if I didn't lose 2-3 pounds a week but now I realize that it comes in waves... and I will lose again. I have lost 116 pounds... one pound at a time. I am in a marathon... a joyful journey... not a sprint. I love the food network... and the cooking channel. Even though, I eat less and don't love to cook. It doesn't make me want to run to the fridge like I would have thought it would... either. I'm all about portion control. I love those 100 calorie packs of cookies, and fudge dipped pretzels. They may not be alot but they are enough. And are so portable for the movies or whatever. I am always learning... what works for me... I am not perfect but I am perfectly imperfect. Charming as that may be... I am a work in progress. We are all different in what works for us...and what doesn't. What doesn't work for me... is changed daily but stays the same too. I struggle with bread, so I don't usually eat it... I love potstickers... and chinese food in general, but my band doesn't like it much so I hardly ever eat it.... I can't reheat most things in the microwave, they get too dense and my band punishes me... I can eat a little pasta once in a while but It has to be al dente, mushy pasta is not my friend. I used to love the dark whilty leaves in a salad but my band prefers the crisp ones, that break up better and don't cover the band like a reverse parachute that causes things to go up instead of down... I don't eat alot of salad. I used to prefer soft tacos but my band prefers the hard ones...(Imagine that: Preferring hard to soft.)Same reason, it breaks up better. Anyway, I do enjoy food still... probably more since I don't just inhale it... I eat slowly and savor instead. It's been a struggle to get through the learning process so far but I am to a point when I like the knowing part of it. But sometimes, the knowing is not enough... I still attempt to eat things that my band doesn't like... and expect a different result. I am happy with the restriction I have but I think I probably could use a fill... but I wish I could start to rely on self control and portion control by now. I am not sure how to end this post... except to say, I am still ME... only smaller.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Overweight at 13! What a difference 5 pounds makes!

Well, in my packing and shifting process... I found a paper from my pediatrican's office from 1982. It says I weighed 169 1/2 pounds and was 67 3/4 inches tall... which means I was "Slightly" overweight at age 13. My BMI was 25.8... I would kill for that BMI now, but then I thought I was huge. I was like 5 pounds overweight. I cherish every pound I lose now, since 5 pounds could be the difference between normal weight and overweight... or even obese, or just plain overweight... As of this day, I look forward to being overweight again....Just plain overweight but I am not in a rush... It's a marathon not a sprint. I'll get there eventually but I am really enjoying the journey... and I love my relay team!****************************** PS. I am offically down 115 pounds today after seeing my lowest weight since I started my journey. I haven't really been able to exercise much because of a Wii Just Dance Thigh pull(Insert Goofy Laugh here). So, that being said, It's got to be that I have been getting alot of fiber and protein. My carbs have gone up as well since fiber usually brings carbs along for the ride but my weighthas been going down slowly but surely. And I upped my fiber because I felt like I was plateauing milling around 110-113 pounds down for too long. Since I am excepting this award for jumpstarting back into the game... I have to thank Atkins Daybreak bars... not a ton of protein usually only 6-10 grams but 8-11 grams of fiber... I have been using Arnold's multi grain sandwich thins when I feel like I have to have bread with whatever... and they are only 100 calories each "Bun" and like 6 grams of fiber... I got some cravings for PB&J so I got Polaner Sugar free seedless blackberry with fiber jelly to go with my Peter Pan Whipped Creamy PB with 1/3 less sugar... I also started eating Fiber One Honey Cluster cereal when I get a cereal craving... but sticking to the 1 cup serving is tough sometimes but a whooping 13 grams of fiber per serving... the carbs are outrageous though. I am trying to make adjustments that I can live with since Healthy eating will help me lose weight and maintain as well... I use EAS Carb advantage 11oz shakes to give me extra protein, there's 17 grams of protein and 4 carbs, 2 of which are dietary fiber... And they're only $4 something for a 4 pack at Walmart, so affordable too. My protein is about 95-105 grams a day these days. I am still learning each day what works for me... and I am hoping to help some of you find what works for you through my trial and error, but mostly I just feel great and I hope you all are feeling good too!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Scratch and Sniff to lose weight?

I just saw on the TV news here that studies have shown that smelling certain things can make you lose weight... As you all know, I am willing to try anything to help my weight loss, except maybe hard exercise and not eating chocolate. Well, They say that people who smelled peppermint, apples, bananas or vanilla... every 2 hours. throughout the day actually ate like 2700 less calories per week, which adds up to like 3 extra pounds lost per month and supposively people who sniffed more often lost even more week. They say that smelling these items tricks our brain into thinking we ate... Weird, right? but how could it hurt to carry a peppermint or 2 in your purse or have a banana or apple around. How about some Vanilla body mist? I think there might be something to this... I was very hunger earlier before I heard about this aromatherapy thingy on the news... I went to the fridge and couldn't figure out what I wanted to eat... so I took a small apple out and before I even took a bite, I stopped feeling hungry. I thought I was getting sick or something... but maybe just smelling the apple was enough to satisfy me... Yet another Toll road, I have yet to take... One good smell deserves another.

Looking forward?

We are going on a spontanteous cruise in a few short weeks... We love to cruise... but I thought I would be a little farther along in my journey by the next time. My mind's eye sees me feeling comfortable walking around the ship in my bathing suit back to my room to change, and although I haven't really been body concious before my surgery... I find myself very body concious now. I am 113 pounds thinner than I was pre-band... but my mind is open to how I looked then.... and is not happy with how I look now. Maybe it is a Mental block thing that didn't let me see myself quite as big as I was but that block is gone... way gone. And now I see it all, and I am totally Flabulous! Anyway, These are the thoughts that are flopping around in my head most days... I have done well but I know I could do better, much better. I watch that new show Heavy... and it is taking my whole sense of self on a journey. They all struggle with food issues, laziness, depression, bad body images, and the overwhelming road ahead of them... I was there but did I take all the right turns to get here... or did I take the toll roads to save myself some work. I feel like I don't work out enough and I need to get going with strength training to enhance my weight loss and maximize my results. This road has been difficult so far and I think I was convinced that because I started at a much higher weight than most... that I would lose weight faster and easier... for a while. My doctor told me that even though I started at such a high weight... I would still only lose about 2 pounds a week and I should be happy with that and any extra weight lost is a bonus. Am I trying to convince myself that I should be happy with my progress as it is? Or get off my lazy Less-Fat ass and get to the Gym?