Wednesday, February 2, 2011
We are going on a spontanteous cruise in a few short weeks... We love to cruise... but I thought I would be a little farther along in my journey by the next time. My mind's eye sees me feeling comfortable walking around the ship in my bathing suit back to my room to change, and although I haven't really been body concious before my surgery... I find myself very body concious now. I am 113 pounds thinner than I was pre-band... but my mind is open to how I looked then.... and is not happy with how I look now. Maybe it is a Mental block thing that didn't let me see myself quite as big as I was but that block is gone... way gone. And now I see it all, and I am totally Flabulous! Anyway, These are the thoughts that are flopping around in my head most days... I have done well but I know I could do better, much better. I watch that new show Heavy... and it is taking my whole sense of self on a journey. They all struggle with food issues, laziness, depression, bad body images, and the overwhelming road ahead of them... I was there but did I take all the right turns to get here... or did I take the toll roads to save myself some work. I feel like I don't work out enough and I need to get going with strength training to enhance my weight loss and maximize my results. This road has been difficult so far and I think I was convinced that because I started at a much higher weight than most... that I would lose weight faster and easier... for a while. My doctor told me that even though I started at such a high weight... I would still only lose about 2 pounds a week and I should be happy with that and any extra weight lost is a bonus. Am I trying to convince myself that I should be happy with my progress as it is? Or get off my lazy Less-Fat ass and get to the Gym?