Thursday, February 10, 2011
Introducing the New Me... Challenges and all.
Well, First... I am gonna whine a bit... about my overcoming addiction and the Super Villains at play... First of all, Stress... it makes me want to eat all kinds of junk, I don't know why? I know that there's all kinds of chemicals at play which leads me into my next super villain... Chemicals, my brain's chemical build up has to be made up of mostly chocolate and a little butter on the side. TOM... It's a fight every month, and It makes me even dislike folks named Tom just on the sheer thought provoking of TOM, and the urge for chocolate that may follow. Then there's Emotions. i am an emotional eater... Hear me Bore. I dredge on and on about how I dislike Spaetzle(German Noodles) now but I still want them... Why? You may ask. I am a first generation American. My Dad was from Germany and I miss him(He died 8 years ago)... Spaetzle and German food in general reminds me of my Daddy. But German food is dense and not very band friendly and not very healthy. I can remember family occasions based on the food or smells coming from the kitchen... Emotionally, I need FOOD to make me feel good. But Physically, I need the lack of food. So I am trying to relearn my life... daily. I am getting stronger each day... replacing the unhealthy memories with new healthy ones. Like when I went to Boma with my family, my Aunt and I gushed over the Nut crusted Salmon... instead of the decadent desserts. We love desserts... don't get me wrong but I went away from that experience reinforcing my new love of Fish. The new me loves Fish... Grouper, Salmon, Tilapia, Mahi Mahi, Tuna, and many others. I also enjoy green veggies... I never liked Mashed Potatoes but now post-band, I crave them (Damn Carbs), I still love Cake, Cookies, and almost anything chocolate but I try to savor it more... eat it slowly and really enjoy it when I do indulge. I read labels... The supermarket takes me twice as long but I feel better about my choices. I am really liking alot of Vinagrette salad dressings, but i still love cream soups. I love the challenge of getting in my protein, and fiber daily. And the scale loves me for it and so does the bathroom. i don't drink anything with more than 5 calories... and mostly water with zero. I prefer to eat my calories...I drink alot of water about 100 ounces daily. I do drink protein shakes with 110 calories for 17 grams of protein and less than 6 carbs but they are more of a meal replacement or enhancement... They are EAS Carb Advantage and taste pretty damn good. I like the Dark Chocolate the best(German-American... LOL)... If I want a candy bar... I eat an Atkins protein bar. They have 6-10 grams of protein and 8-11 grams of fiber... and I love them. The calories are pretty low too. i never eat more than 100 grams of carbs a day but this is my biggest challenge... I would like to be eating less but this is bearable... and 50 grams or less felt too much like deprivation or a diet. When I got crazy or binge.. I go over 100... but never much, which makes me smile since I know that I used to eat more than that in one meal. I am mobile... I walk and dance daily. That doesn't sound like much but less than a year ago, I was in a wheelchair daily... I cherish every lost pound... every ounce. I used to be annoyed if I didn't lose 2-3 pounds a week but now I realize that it comes in waves... and I will lose again. I have lost 116 pounds... one pound at a time. I am in a marathon... a joyful journey... not a sprint. I love the food network... and the cooking channel. Even though, I eat less and don't love to cook. It doesn't make me want to run to the fridge like I would have thought it would... either. I'm all about portion control. I love those 100 calorie packs of cookies, and fudge dipped pretzels. They may not be alot but they are enough. And are so portable for the movies or whatever. I am always learning... what works for me... I am not perfect but I am perfectly imperfect. Charming as that may be... I am a work in progress. We are all different in what works for us...and what doesn't. What doesn't work for me... is changed daily but stays the same too. I struggle with bread, so I don't usually eat it... I love potstickers... and chinese food in general, but my band doesn't like it much so I hardly ever eat it.... I can't reheat most things in the microwave, they get too dense and my band punishes me... I can eat a little pasta once in a while but It has to be al dente, mushy pasta is not my friend. I used to love the dark whilty leaves in a salad but my band prefers the crisp ones, that break up better and don't cover the band like a reverse parachute that causes things to go up instead of down... I don't eat alot of salad. I used to prefer soft tacos but my band prefers the hard ones...(Imagine that: Preferring hard to soft.)Same reason, it breaks up better. Anyway, I do enjoy food still... probably more since I don't just inhale it... I eat slowly and savor instead. It's been a struggle to get through the learning process so far but I am to a point when I like the knowing part of it. But sometimes, the knowing is not enough... I still attempt to eat things that my band doesn't like... and expect a different result. I am happy with the restriction I have but I think I probably could use a fill... but I wish I could start to rely on self control and portion control by now. I am not sure how to end this post... except to say, I am still ME... only smaller.