Thursday, June 17, 2010

The "Uncomfortable" Doctor

Well, Today I had my annual appt with the "Uncomfortable" doctor... And if it's uncomfortable for normal sized women... you can imagine how uncomfortable it was for me! I got showered and dressed, I was wearing clothes that I hadn't fit in years, feeling pretty good about how I looked, but the doctor reminded me of my chubbiness by telling me to push down using the stength in my arms since the stirups have a weight limit of like 250 or 300. He tried to be nice about it but I didn't feel as bad this year since I knew that next year will be different. It did make me think about the experiences I dread because of my weight. Like flying, for instance. I love to travel but hate flying since the seats are too snug on my huge badunkadunk... I have to ask for a seat belt extender so I can breath and have the constant fear until the plane take off of them asking me to pay for a 2nd seat when we can hardly afford the first one. Anyway, I fly to Buffalo on tuesday to go to Niagara Falls and Toronto, Canada. I look forward to the trip but not the flight. Each flight I take from now on will get easier but I can't wait to not be singled out as a fatty. I know I will feel like a forever fatty but when strangers treat me normal... Then I will not have that constant fear. I forget for a moment that I'm fat... I live my life, love my family and friends, travel, shop, etc... and someone always reminds me that they see me as a fatty... not a human, not a woman, not a wife, or daughter... I want to be seen for all that I am... I am not what I eat... I am more than what I eat or don't eat. I dream of... the day when I will just be me.

10 comments:

  1. You hit the nail on the head! What a thought provoking post? I don't even go to my uncomfortable appointments I just put the reminders in the bin. And I know how bad that is, our family has been touched more than once by the C word. How sad that getting a check up is on my things to do when I'm thin list?
    You are not alone out there honey.
    I wonder how we will feel when we do just blend in?
    Wont be long now :-)

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  2. This post makes me so sad for you. I do understand about the flying. I had about 2 inches left of the seat belt before surgery. I am going to Phoenix next Thursday and I am looking forward to see how much seat belt I have left! Regardless of your flight situation, I hope you have a wonderful vacation!

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  3. Flying is a crappy experience! But you have a great attitude. Each time you do something you will be thinner/healthier and it WILL become more enjoyable.

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  4. It really is sad how our fat becomes part of every part of us and limits us in so many ways. I'm flyig next week too, I hope it's more comfortable than the last time I flew. Hang in there, you're doing great!

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  5. I'm flying over the 4th of July with my family and I am hoping the seat belts will fit better for me, too. Each time from here on out I hope it will be a different experience. Try to stay positive and know that you are doing the right things to change your life and make it even better! Have fun in Niagara Falls. I was there back in October and it was lovely~

    I do have to say thoguh, I am probably the only person who doesn't ming doing to the gynocologist. Hmmmm, I wonder what that says about me!

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  6. I think EVERY woman feels fat when she flies and when she's in stirrups. Both, horrible places to be! Have a blast on your vacation! Canada is a fun place to be a fatty :)

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  7. I haven't flown in quite some time, but can understand the feeling of being uncomfortable. I was looking at another blog in which the author talked about how the stewardess wasn't so kind or quiet when giving her a seat belt extender.

    As far as the yearly pap, I can truly say I have the best gynocologist in all the world. He is gentle and kind even when addressing my weight and was so helpful when I was getting all my paperwork together. Next year will be golden for you.

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  8. Wow! You guys are so supportive. I can bear my soul and not feel judged or alone. I am so happy that I have this community to turn to in times of victory or defeat. I plan on having more victories from now on... I'll let you know how the flying goes... I am dressing to look skinnier instead of for comfort...LOL

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  9. Oh hey Sweetie! Thanks for sending me your link. I didn't know I wasn't following you! You have PLENTY of great followers and great commenters. Keep commenting on other's blogs and the followers will find you! I am so happy for you in your journey! Sounds like you've come a long way and you write beautifully. Thank you for following me!

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  10. HI! Drazil sent e over to your fabulous blog! And I am so glad she did! YES! you are right! Every bad experience regarding your weight will be the last , you are right! Next year for that dr. appointment think of how you will feel ~ not feeling that way! Keep it up! You can do this!!!!!!
    Have a pretty night!
    Kristin

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