Thursday, June 17, 2010
The "Uncomfortable" Doctor
Well, Today I had my annual appt with the "Uncomfortable" doctor... And if it's uncomfortable for normal sized women... you can imagine how uncomfortable it was for me! I got showered and dressed, I was wearing clothes that I hadn't fit in years, feeling pretty good about how I looked, but the doctor reminded me of my chubbiness by telling me to push down using the stength in my arms since the stirups have a weight limit of like 250 or 300. He tried to be nice about it but I didn't feel as bad this year since I knew that next year will be different. It did make me think about the experiences I dread because of my weight. Like flying, for instance. I love to travel but hate flying since the seats are too snug on my huge badunkadunk... I have to ask for a seat belt extender so I can breath and have the constant fear until the plane take off of them asking me to pay for a 2nd seat when we can hardly afford the first one. Anyway, I fly to Buffalo on tuesday to go to Niagara Falls and Toronto, Canada. I look forward to the trip but not the flight. Each flight I take from now on will get easier but I can't wait to not be singled out as a fatty. I know I will feel like a forever fatty but when strangers treat me normal... Then I will not have that constant fear. I forget for a moment that I'm fat... I live my life, love my family and friends, travel, shop, etc... and someone always reminds me that they see me as a fatty... not a human, not a woman, not a wife, or daughter... I want to be seen for all that I am... I am not what I eat... I am more than what I eat or don't eat. I dream of... the day when I will just be me.