Wednesday, July 7, 2010
You guys Rock!
I want to thank all of you who commented or read my blog post from yesterday... Your support which I feel daily is what made me feel strong enough to feel vulnerable enough to write that Blog post. The email I received made me realize that I haven't let you in to my life, not completely, because the person who wrote me wouldn't have taken that tone if they really knew how hard I am on myself, how much I judge myself, or how far I've come so far. Well, now they do... If they read it, I mean. It hurts to know that someone who you admire thinks you could do better or eat better, but I know I could eat better. And since Stephanie told us in comments that 1/2 of the calories still get through when I Chew and Spit popcorn... that was enough to stop me doing it anyway, the other person could have saved her email. It is a gross habit and I will do well without it. Many of you weigh what I have to lose.... I find that incredible. That I have to lose a whole semi-fat girl to be a semi-fat/chubby girl. You are all doing so well and i feel both supported and inspired by you everyday. Now that you really know me, I will tell you my NSVs/goals.... 1)To be able to always sit in a booth at a restaurant, Texas Roadhouse was my inspiration, If I would have sat in a booth there I would have been cut in half like a magician's assistant... Guess what? I sat in a booth the last 2 times I ate there... I don't allow myself steak often but when I do that's where I go. I love booths.... they're comfy/cozy! 2)I want to be able to fly without the stress of not fitting in the seat, having to pay for a 2nd seat, or having to ask for a seatbelt extension... That humiliation of being confronted about my huge ass which is too big to fit in the seat.... I don't recommend it! Whenever I fly Southwest I know they are going to humiliate me in front of other people... Why do I feel that way? Do I think that no one notices that I am fat until the southwest employee brings it to their attention? The last time I flew to Buffalo,NY for my Niagara Falls/Toronto Trip... I flew there on Southwest and they made me pay for a 2nd seat for my 2nd ass cheek... I told myself I was prepared and wouldn't cry or get upset.... but after losing 60 pounds It was the first time they made me pay for the 2nd seat... It wasn't a good way to start our vacation and my husband gets very angry and confrontational when I am treated that way so, We were both pretty upset... to say the least. Since the flight was no where near full and they refund the money if it is not a full flight, They shouldn't even have confronted me or charged us... We will be refunded but my pride was hurt after all my hard work and sacrifice. On the way back with Delta, no mention of my weight or paying.... Thank God for Delta! I will fly again with Southwest, someday but not until my ASS is ready to... Literally! 3)I love roller coasters and since my body has been so big recently... I don't fit on them anymore. And it's humilitating to find out while on the platform after waiting 90 minutes in line. I would like to ride the Hulk at Universal Studios... and Expedition Everest at Disney's Animal Kingdom. 4)I would like to be able to know Victoria's secret... I have never been able to shop there, When I was a thinner fat girl like most of you, I couldn't afford to shop there and now that i can afford to shop there.... I wouldn't fit in anything they sell. I have my eyes on a PINK Phillies shirt that is awesome and only goes up to size L... I am still a 2x at best, so a long way off but my upper body is smaller that my lower body so It is an obtainable goal... i want that shirt. It is made for someone 1/2 my age and 1/2 my size. I know I shouldn't buy it even if I could fit it.... but, no one said I was logical. I am a huge Phillies fan and want to be more girly and stylist with my spirit. It's stretchy and would accent my amazing cleavage...LOL Actually most things that are sparkly and girly aren't made in Plus sizes, I want to sparkle too... I want to be the bling. It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that bling. 5)I want to not need my wheelchair at all... I usually don't need it now but there's always the chairs with arms dilemma. I don't fit in most chairs with arms comfortably. So at Concerts, shows, ballgames, etc. I bring my wheelchair still so that I know I have a seat that I'll be comfy in... I've got a big butt and I cannot lie, you other sisters can't deny! 6)I want to be thin enough to really enjoy nature, I love waterfalls and ancient ruins... but I can't handle the walks and climbs to where they are located. I love that so many are wheelchair accessible these days but I want to climb to a great viewing point, I want to totally experience the beauty. I want to be one with the beauty! I want to climb the Pyramids in Egypt, I want to swim under a waterfall, I want to see everything that nature has to offer. I travel alot and It was better this time in Niagara Falls. I could go places I never could before, I could experience things I never could before... and it will be even better next time.. These goals are going to be enough for today! I don't wanna bite off more than I can chew... LOL, I never get tired of those eating cliches... I am Shrinking daily! I don't live to eat, I eat to live! Tomorrow is a brighter day and a thinner day! *Maria*