Monday, July 12, 2010
Where there's a will, there's a power!
I am a scrapbooker... I started as a amateur photographer and advanced into displaying those photos into the artform that is papercrafting or scrapbooking. It is very therapeutic and I love it. I have met many other scrapbookers over the years and they are some of the most amazing people I know. Cherishing my memories is a blessing not a curse, we all have things in on our past that we don't want to remember but scrapbooking is the art of remembering all the best moments of our lives and looking at a fulfilling existence.... It represents the idea of the glass being half full not half empty. This is the way I chose to see the world everyday... Glass half full, which is difficult sometimes because I deal with depression and obvious food addiction. I get frustrated that I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back each day when I make my food choices even though I am losing weight and making the right choices most of the time. I feel like I am becoming obsessed again with food but instead of being obsessed with eating it, I am becoming obsessed with not eating it... I don't mean starving myself. I mean, I am not seemlessly going thru my day... I am actively thinking about how to get as much protein as I can in as few calories so I can have room here and there for a little treat. I wanted to eat right and healthy for life, not diet... but I am counting calories, carbs, fat grams, etc... I find myself thinking about my band and utilizing it to the best use... and I am not living in the moment like I always have... I live for my future. I live to see the new me... even though she's here everyday, she's a work in progress... She is not the new me yet. When did this happen? I had this surgery to improve my health and I've done that... but the success is intoxicating. I want more, and more, and more... Is this unhealthy? Will I start to "Go through the motions", eventually? Is this all going though my mind because it hasn't even been 4 months yet and It will be less prevalent down the line? I still have the fear of failure just like with every other diet... but now, I know I am so much more likely to succeed... I still beat myself up for little slipups or cheats... just like any other diet, even though I cheat in moderation... and much less than ever before. I think I can do this... in my heart but my mind doubts me. I can only fail if I give up, right? I want this... I really want this. You can see that, right?