Monday, July 12, 2010

Where there's a will, there's a power!

I am a scrapbooker... I started as a amateur photographer and advanced into displaying those photos into the artform that is papercrafting or scrapbooking. It is very therapeutic and I love it. I have met many other scrapbookers over the years and they are some of the most amazing people I know. Cherishing my memories is a blessing not a curse, we all have things in on our past that we don't want to remember but scrapbooking is the art of remembering all the best moments of our lives and looking at a fulfilling existence.... It represents the idea of the glass being half full not half empty. This is the way I chose to see the world everyday... Glass half full, which is difficult sometimes because I deal with depression and obvious food addiction. I get frustrated that I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back each day when I make my food choices even though I am losing weight and making the right choices most of the time. I feel like I am becoming obsessed again with food but instead of being obsessed with eating it, I am becoming obsessed with not eating it... I don't mean starving myself. I mean, I am not seemlessly going thru my day... I am actively thinking about how to get as much protein as I can in as few calories so I can have room here and there for a little treat. I wanted to eat right and healthy for life, not diet... but I am counting calories, carbs, fat grams, etc... I find myself thinking about my band and utilizing it to the best use... and I am not living in the moment like I always have... I live for my future. I live to see the new me... even though she's here everyday, she's a work in progress... She is not the new me yet. When did this happen? I had this surgery to improve my health and I've done that... but the success is intoxicating. I want more, and more, and more... Is this unhealthy? Will I start to "Go through the motions", eventually? Is this all going though my mind because it hasn't even been 4 months yet and It will be less prevalent down the line? I still have the fear of failure just like with every other diet... but now, I know I am so much more likely to succeed... I still beat myself up for little slipups or cheats... just like any other diet, even though I cheat in moderation... and much less than ever before. I think I can do this... in my heart but my mind doubts me. I can only fail if I give up, right? I want this... I really want this. You can see that, right?


  1. Very nice post. I feel exactly the same as you. I really don't count calories but I do concentrate on my protein intake and water. I try to exercise 5 days a week too. I hope this " get healthy "obsession continues.

  2. i totally know what you're getting at. that was a big thing for me. i'm getting this surgery not to count calories forever but to finally be free of the dieting and live my life. so i totally know what you mean. but i'm fully ready to devote my first year to the weightloss. i know it will take about a year to get to my goal. so i feel i lost what i needed to lose and i was in maintenance. you're only 4 months out! its good that you're being very mindful about how you eat. its important to be obsessed in the begining because you're creating healthier habits. and eventually i think it becomes something you do without thinking about it. you'll get there. but this surgery was a huge thing in your life. a huge commitment. so you have to give it the proper attention. whatever it takes to get you to where you need to be. eventually you'll be in maintenance and even then you'll have to work at it. but it won't be as all consuming i think. then again, they say its a life change, so maybe this is what they mean.

    don't beat yourself up. just take responsibility. we don't want to continue the bad habits we learned from dieting. just remember its not a race, there's no finish line, its an ongoing thing. so be mindful but stay positive. i think its the negative thoughts that tend to throw us off. learn from you mistakes and move on. :)

    also my cousin told me i should read women food and god or whatever its called. did you finish it? was it helpful for you?

  3. Just want to say HI and that I was thinking about you!!!

  4. I hear what you are saying. I'm just starting my journey and I've had a big weight loss because of the liquid diet and I'm scared that will make the smaller losses that are coming less exciting or even disappointing to me.
    Just remind yourself that your body is a work in progress - the rest of you is just perfect

  5. I think we all focus so much on the end goal we often forget to enjoy the journey. A year ago I would have loved to weigh 188 pounds, but today I'm just obsessed with getting to the next size and into the 170's. It's so hard sometimes. I will say that I went through a stage where a was a little obsessed with how long a could go without eating, but that's getting better.
    One thing I don't do with the band is diet, so I try not to beat myself up if I'm not perfect. That's a positive change for me.
    I hope in time you can enjoy the journey.

  6. i definitely see that you really want this :-) it's a difficult transition not only for our bodies but our WILL do this, i have faith in you!!

  7. I know you want this! You can do this! One day at a time! I know you can do it!
    Keep going!
    I know! That will teach me to eat canned tomato soup won't it! hahahahahh!!!!
    Have a pretty night,

  8. I can definitely see that you really want this! Good for you for thinking so much about the changes. I, too, don't want to diet all my life, so I really appreciated your thoughts on this. I haven't been banded yet, but I'm thinking of these issues, too.

    Thanks again for sharing your perspective. I suspect we are a lot alike, and I look forward to hearing more from you.

  9. Oh my goodness! I just posted a blog that sounds just like yours, you just made it sound so much better!! I cant wait to read the comments we get to see what people think about this.

  10. I sometimes think that the difference between people with weight problems and people who control their weight is that the former live in the moment and the latter 'see' it on their hips tomorrow! I know my slim friends always seem to watch every morsel they put in their mouths and are regularly dieting...I used to just eat it because it felt good, it tasted good and it made me feel damn the time. Just an observation.

    I've just been catching up on my blog reading tonight and have read your last few posts all at once and I just wanted to say that you make me want to hug you, you're so lovely and I really admire the amount of effort you're putting into all this, it's really paying off too. Good for you! xx p.s. I love the title of your funny.