ER....Good news and bad news.

Well, after spending the morning in the ER... Ear issues not band issues. I slept all day when I got home. I needed the rest. The Bad news is I have an ear infection. Weird... I never got one before even when I was a kid. The Good News is I lost another 2 pounds since my fill. Which is probably because of the 2 days of clear liquids and failed food attempts. Well, Every cloud has a silver lining, right? So for now, I will just keep dripping antibiotics in my ear and hopefully be able to eat something tomorrow.

BYOC-Friday and pushing my luck.

Well, I pushed my luck because I was so hungry yesterday after my fill, I was only supposed to eat clear liquids but I tried some chili which went down okay, but the peach... not so much. And after 2 slices of peach, I couldn't even swallow my saliva. The chili was enough but I wanted that peach... Dumbass! Now for the BYOC! 1)What is your favorite genre of movies?(comedy/romance/horror/action) ******I have to admit I love all genres except foreign films... I don't like to read at the movies, but I think my favorites are all romantic comedies. Or Romantic Dramedies in Steel Magnolias case... 2)What do you order when you eat Chinese food?**** I love chinese food...alot. After i first got my band, I went all no sauce, steamed chicken and broccoli with no rice, no noodles, no eggroll... but that was no fun, and no taste... so I eat lite sauce chicken with broccoli, no rice, no noodles, but I do once in a while enjoy an eggroll. I also love fried food...LOL I have a chinese buffet by me that I love that's $6.99 for lunch and I will go on once in a while... I let myself have one of each thing that I love: General Tso's, Sesame Chicken, Mongolian Pork, etc. I can't eat alot as you all know, but I do indulge a little. I love all buffets now... I can have a small bit of what I'm craving without eating a whole meal of it. Since the buffets around this tourist haven are very cheap, on the most part... and I usually get the child's price, I enjoy the variety. 3) Ok no one kill me for this one-don't answer if you don't want to BUT i just saw a preview for Dr. Phil on swingers and I wondered...What's your take on swingers, are you for it, against it, do it, would never do it, etc?***** It would never be right for me and George... I think we not only only have eyes for each other but we get jealous, a little bit. If it is something that works in your marriage...Enjoy! Whatever works! 4)Let's go back to a repeat question. Pick one thing you'll do next week that's for your mental/physical health. *****Well, I haven't been exercising lately and I need to get back on the horse, so to speak. I am going to try a new class this week and hope it doesn't put me in bed for 3 days... I love to dance so something with a good beat would be nice. 5)Repeat question. What blog or comment spoke or stuck with you this week? *****Definitely Carmen's post about her mother, since I watched my Dad wither away with cancer, it definitely both spoke to me and stuck with me... She was so brave and courageous to write her heart out like that. I love our Carmie!

Close...only counts in Horseshoes and Hand Gernades!

FILL 'ER UP! Photos: 3 are of my second fill... first them numb the area where your port is, then the needle goes in and they force you to drink a bunch of water to make sure it goes down.... ok. The last 2 photos are of me playing around with the lapband props...Fun can be found anywhere! (Disclaimer... For you pre-oppers, I had a large hernia fixed, hence the large scar. You can hardly see the LapBand scars, the biggest one(The port) is right above his injection point... Sorry, It's not one of my best angles)

Well, The Good News is that I lost another 12 pounds... but the bad news is, That's not enough to reach THREEDOM. Don't worry I'll get there by next time for sure! This Alternative lifestyle of ours has gotten me to lose more weight that I ever lost at one time, since I surpassed the 70 pound mark... I lost 72 pounds so far! Yippee! The Good News is...I am still losing 3 pounds a week. The bad news is... I am doing that by having a few treats too many(Not everyday but a couple times a week), Not exercising at all(I haven't even gone to my water aerobics class), and eating more that 2-3 ounces at a time(I got my second fill today so that will probably help)... Think of how much more weight I'd lose if I snacked less and exercised more. I am happy with my 12 pound loss, though. I hope when I get more active, I will continue to lose weight at this rate. I was hoping for 2 pounds a week, so 3 pounds is pretty good. I am giving you some photos of my doctor doing my fill today... as a scrapbooker, you know I need everything documented and since my hubby was off work today, he went with me to St. Petersburg... I am sure I mentioned that my Surgery was done in St. Petersburg, Florida about 2 hours drive from me... I shouldn't complain since some of you had to fly to another state for fills and your surgery. My doctor's practice is there in St. Pete's as well, so we usually make a day of it.

My hubby is following me!!!

This is me with my surgeon, Dr. Rehnke, on the day before surgery. I will talk more about this later. I realized that I needed to put more words between My surgeon that gave me the gift of new life and the next few words...My All-time favorite stalker is following me... my incredible husband. I check my followers to make sure I am checking out their blogs too, if they have them. I saw my own face smiling back at me... He's adorable. Anyway, this doesn't change anything since we have no secrets between us in our marriage... and I keep no secrets from you loyal followers either... but I thought it was worth mentioning. My niece, Niki, and her boyfriend Chuck are coming down next week to help my Mom who lives with us drive up to visit my Brother and family. I saw Niki when I was up there meeting my newest nephew Blake in June and I met her boyfriend who she lives with... I can't believe she'll be 21 in Spetember... I remember changing her diapers. She asked me and George to sign her and Chuck into Disney so I guess I'll be doing alot of walking next week in the extreme heat, but It will be nice to see her show Chuck DisneyWorld for the first time. I never told you the story about my near death experience right after my surgery with my Mom. First let me say... She is not a bad driver, if she stays awake, that is... Well, after my hernia repair and band installation, I wasn't allowed to drive right away. So, my Mom drove me back and forth to doctor appts. while my hubby worked. She picked me up at the hospital when I was released too. She doesn't sleep well at night, sometimes waking up 3 or 4 times since she has sleep apnea and doesn't wear the Cpap Machine. So, I was thrilled to get home safe when I got out of the hospital... but I had my followup appt 2 weeks later and my Mom still insisted on driving until Dr. Rehnke cleared me to drive. She kept falling asleep at the wheel and I was clinging to the dashboard and yelling to keep waking her up. Anyway, I screamed at the top of my lungs when she almost drove under the 18 wheeler stopped at the light in front of us.... fast forward to me, running after my surgeon when he leaves the room after my appt....to beg him to tell my Mom I could drive home. I told him "You gave me a new lease on life and she's trying to evict me...." Tomorrow is my 4 month followup to the surgeon's office and I look forward to seeing how much weight I lost this month.... I am sorta hoping to be in THREEDOM... That is the word I made up to represent the 300's. I had to make on up since all you skinny bitches never begged for THREEDOM like me, but some of you are begging to escape it. I know... Don't Hate, Tolerate! Let's keep your fingers crossed for me... even though I called you a skinny bitch. I meant it in the nicest way possible.... Can you spell NVus?

You like me, You really Like me!

Rules, the rules for the award are as follows!!! I am so excited i may implode! 1)Thank the person giving the award.... Hey V! Thank you so much for being so witty and interesting... truly Stalkworthy. And for nominating me and my little blog for this Versatile award. I love your blog... too, and it is wonderfully rewarding to know you feel the same way about my incessant ramblings. 2)Share 7 things about yourself. .....a)I am an avid scrapbooker, I am sure I mentioned this fact before but some details... I love taking photos, especially portrait photos... I try to capture emotions and rejoice in the relationships celebrated and revealed in the photos. Photography is an amazing art form and scrapbooking is a way to celebrate the art form within another artform...LOL. I am doing a scrapbook of my journey with the weight loss and finding myself beneath these layers of curves. ....b)I am a First Generation American. My father was a German Citizen born in Romania, and grew up in Austria and Germany. He moved to the Philadelphia Pennsylvania area in 1959 when he was 22 and met my Mother, born and raised in Philly, about 5 years later. .......c)I was friends with several of my Husband's friends for years before we met in a mall... I wonder why they never set us up before we met and fell in love on our own...LOL ........d)My husband works in the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World, we moved here to Orlando, Florida 10 years ago, when we realized if we didn't move here we would never see anywhere else in the world. We love Disney and enjoy going to the parks as often as we can. .......e)I love to sing... In the shower, in the car, in public, in private... I love singing movies where people break into song instead of explaining how they feel, I love the sh0w Glee and I am a big ol' GLEEK. I would love if when I start singing, instead of staring, if folks would just sing along or start dancing in the background... Gleek! As a strange coincidence, I was named after Maria in the Sound of Music... but my MomMom went to her grave believing that I was named after her. Her name was Maria too... ....f)My little Sister died in her sleep at 33. It was very sudden and shocking, we had a tumultuous relationship and alot of unresolved issues, that I always hoped we would sort out and become lifelong close friends... g)I love all things burlesque, the feather fans, the corsettes, garter belts, striptease, Moulin Rouge..... etc. But I have never been comfortable enough with my body to express that. I also love belly dancing and hula dancing. Why don't my love handles look sexy like theirs? 3)Nominate 15 newly discovered Blogs... 1:Freckleonthenose.blogspot.com 2:Amaris at distractedbydiets.blogspot.com 3:Steph at electricladyband.blogspot.com 4:fatwithaprettyface.blogspot.com 5:Angie at angieinrepair.blogspot.com 6:Gwen at secretdiaryofabandgirl.blogspot.com 7:Gilly at somethingsomethingsomethingfatchick.blogspot.com 8:Hey at lapwithme.blogspot.com 9:Kerri at justmeandmyband.blogspot.com 10:Terri at icandothis826.blogspot.com 11:Michelle at thebandinmemyjourney.blogspot.com 12:Carmen at mywittyblogtitle.blogspot.com 13:DonutDiva at bandedup.blogspot.com 14:Barb at myluckylapband.blogspot.com 15: workinprogress at shesaworkinprogress.blogspot.com I know some of my nominees are not new bloggers but this is my first nomination so I want to let them know how much their blogs have influenced and inspired me.

My life in the Underwear drawer....

I counted my Underwear today... There are 67 of them... That is too many, Way too many. I want to throw out the biggest grannie panties.... Well, Let me give you a rundown of the Undercover details of my Underwear... I used to be just plain chubby... years ago when I met my hubby.... Then I needed lots of sexy undies... Since we were in that new lover stage.... In fact all of them were sexy type panties, Well, I guess a couple pair of comfy panites would be good for my TOM. So Over the years, almost 19 years, There became more and more comfy granny panties and the sexy panties were getting bought less and less... until I was at my biggest and grannie panties were as sexy as It got for me... My undies tell a story about my fall into fat! I went throw them and struggled throwing away the biggest ones, which were loose on me at my biggest... even though I don't choose them anymore. I've moved on to smaller and better things... Alot of these panties we speak of are never worn, since I bought them and really never fit them. Some are overworn and headed right to the trash. I need to weed out the granny panties the same way they were weeded in to my panty drawer, So I am taking it day by day... My Panty Pressure. I will find a happy medium between Sexy and Granny.... There are plenty of sexy Grannies out there... I know a few myself... and I think there are among us. It is comforting to know if the washer broke that I would have clean panties for a couple months.... though. I know my desk is a full on mess.... I am the creative type and my hubby is the organized type... So excuse the disorder, I am working on it, I can assure you....LOL

BYOC Friday- and my 4month bandiversary photos.

Today was my 4 month bandiversary... and these are the photos I got taken today... not a lot of differences from last month but I see a little difference... I wore the same clothes which really aren't flattering, but life is not always flattering, Is it? Sorry about the no makeup and just out of the shower hair.... It's friday, so now on to the BYOC........... 1)Let's brag a little...What's the best perk you've ever had in your Job (current or past)? Any employment counts-even if you're a stay-at-home Mom you have perks (and the hardest job ever in my opinion)______For me, The job with the most perks was working for DisneyWorld for 5 years.... I loved being able to go to the parks for free and take my family along, I love all the discounts, and I just loved working for a company that has such high standards and customer service.... I would walk around the parks and people watch, and I loved seeing the fireworks every night. 2)Do you lie in your blog?_____ Not yet, but I think if I ever feel a need to lie to you all... I need to give up the blog since it is sorta like a diary... so it's like I'm lying to myself. You all accept me as I am... So I am Me, imperfect, sarcastic, moody, crazy, vibrant, messy Me! What you see is what you get... I do tend to exaggerate for dramatic effect but that's just me.... 3)What do you wear to bed?___ Usually a long T-shirt and underwear... sometimes PJs. 4)Where do you go for advice?______It depends what type of advice... For advice is most areas including Family, money, marital, vacation, diet, exercise, and anything else I would need i would ask My Aunt Donna(We are very close, like sisters), My Brother Dave, His wife Tobi, My Mom, My Mother-in-law, and of course, My amazing Husband George. For all band issues... I would get and cherish all the advice here with the Sisterhood... over anywhere else. 5)Repeat Question... Make someone a superstar without using a blog award...What comment or blog stuck with you the most this week and why? _____I think I'd have to say when *-D-* from A Fat Chick Gets Skinny wrote Bye Bye Bloggy Bye Bye and told us that she was ending her blog... We are like a family and losing one of our members... is upseting. I hope she still comes around to visit from time to time... I would have put in a link to her blog but it is gone...now.

A shout out to "Seeing in color" and other not so interesting stuff.

I have been watching what I eat and being careful about my carb intake... I also went to the movies wednesday and didn't eat any popcorn. In fact, I snuck in a Baked Salmon filet and ate that during the movie... I am trying to get my protein goals in and have been pretty close. It seems like when I meet my protein goals, I go over my calories. So it is all a learning experience. I haven't been working out really though, a little walking but not going to the gym. I haven't been able to develop a routine that includes the gym yet, but I will eventually. I know it will be less painful when I lose more weight. I can handle the sore muscles that we all deal with after working out but the joints swell up and the pain is unbearable. I know that Water aerobics is what's best for me but the time of the class never seems to work out and I tried doing what I learned on my own and I am not ready for that yet. I need the teacher to tell me what to do... and I need to go. I think I might have found a YMCA that has a 12noon water aerobics which would be more convienent for me but I haven't gone yet. Anyway, I will try to start that routine next week and keep walking my dog several times a day until then... As long as I can each time. On a more personal note... tomorrow is my 4 month bandiversary so I have to make an effort to take photos for my progress scrapbook. I feel great about my band and my progress but I think I need another fill and I need to eat less more often... and slower. SO those are my goals for this week... Well, I am going to do my first shout outs... now that I have over 100 followers many of them due to Steph and Draz giving me a boost... I am going to lead you to one of our own who is from Australia and newly banded on June 9th,2010, I started following her because she is quirky and funny and has a great blog that I love to read... Well, some of you loyal follower may also enjoy it so here goes... She thinks she's stuck at 29 followers, I definitely know how that feels and how amazing having the support and love of this incredible group of women feels... Her blog Seeing in Color can be found at http://lappy4life.blogspot.com/ Tell her I sent you down under, It makes me sound like a Pimp... Love you guys! *Maria*

Sex...a committment to exercise.

I am still learning about the calorie burning thing... more and more each day. Carmen said once that She was counting the calories burned while washing her car... So I am getting into finding out how many calories that I burn each day going through my daily activities...Shopping, Standing, Walking, Brushing my teeth, Showering, reading, Sitting, resting, sleeping, hairstyling, cooking, washing dishes, foreplay, and sex... I was shocked. Even without working out at all... I burned like 5280 calories today. They say to lose one US Pound, you must burn 3500 more than what you eat. So, if I eat less than 1780 calories today, I'll lose a pound. I wonder if that's accurate. I burned 398 calories driving today, 1743 calories while I slept, 1992 calories sitting or resting, 672 calories shopping, 199 showering, 131 calories walking, and the rest while standing, brushing my teeth, reading... and sex. Turns out it doesn't burn as much calories as I thought... but I will continue to do the research and experiment often.... I found this information on healthstatus.com on the most accurate calories burned estimation calculator. I guess there's one benefit to being morbidly obese... besides the huge boobs... I burn more calories because of my weight. It is fun to calculate... Try it! and Do the Sex research too... It may not burn the most calories but It's the most fun you can have while working out... That's for sure!

Visions of SugarPlums dance thru my head...

What a weird time I am having... I guess it's like the 7 year inch in a marriage... except I am hitting the 4 month point in my band's life. I want to eat the wrong things... even though I want to continue to lose weight... Contradicting desires, huh? I keep thinking about the Mezzaluna at Carrabbas... One of the favorites in my old life, only i don't eat pasta anymore. It's like being addicted to crack... these carbs always have me right where they want me. I can't sleep at night and visions of Sugarplums are literally dancing in my head. It's a constant fight... I win some battles and lose some... but I will win this war!

100 followers! and counting!

I can't believe It! I have 100 followers... actually, I have 103. You are all so supportive that I pasted 100 overnight and missed it. I am happy that we can share this journey together... I mean, I have learned as much from all of you as I have from all the books, research, seminars, and doctor's visits... that brought me here. When I go see my surgeon now, I know what to ask and what to expect. It is a great feeling. I can celebrate and cherish every pound lost and health gain... every strive I make towards my goals. I am a better person because of your support. I am a stronger woman because of your comments. I am a moved by your blogs and your stories of struggle and success. I am powerful in the knowledge that we are one... and amazed by all our incredible diversity. I feel confident in my ability to win this war with my weight... after losing so many battles in the past because we are winning, all of us. Every battle we lose today brings a new victory tomorrow.... I am beginning to sound like I am rallying votes for my presidental campaign... Anyway, I am enjoying reading your blogs and I'm going back to it now! Thanx for Following my crazy, laughable, fat-tastic life! *Maria*

BYOC Friday-I am sorry I didn't finish it...now it is!

Well, here we go... BYOC Friday. 1)Because Draz is trying to lose her last 15 pounds before she goes on vacation, She's Curious...What's the oddest diet you've ever tried? Or which ones have you tried and were any successful? I wanted to try about a million more diets but I see the future frustration like I'm a psychic and refuse to put myself thru it again... I did a diet years ago that was similar to Atkins except that you could eat normally during the 60 minutes allowed to you per day(usually dinnertime)... I lost 70 pounds in 3 months and was thrilled but I got into a bad bout of depression and lost my mojo and ended up gaining all the weight back and then some. It was a great diet. I can always lose weight If I cut the carbs, Keeping if off has always been my problem...Other than that the most successful diet I was ever on was the Optifast 800 liquid diet for the 12 days before surgery, I lost 15 pounds in 12 days. I will probably go back to that diet once in a while to jumpstart my weight loss when it stalls. Optifast also has a higher protein drink as well... That i may try. 2) Do you prefer baths or showers? Definitely Baths... It's like you are pampering yourself clean. I think part of the thrill of baths for me is that I can't really take them again yet... since I am unble to get up from that position without killing myself but I will bathe again soon(Sounds like I am a flithy dirty person, right?) I'm not, I take showers with a shower chair and a long shower head... that sometimes gets fresh with me. I said too much again! 3)What is your favorite breakfast food? This one is easy... Chocolate Chip pancakes... Yum! It is the kid in me, I guess but I love making a meal into a dessert... Do you get why I'm fat, yet? I don't eat them anymore and I don't really miss them, but they were good while they lasted. 4)What's your least favorite word? I think "Indifference" would be my least favorite word. I can take hate and cruelty but the indifference that allows them to go on... Unacceptable! 5)Repeat question...make someone a superstar for a day! Whose blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most this week and why? I was most moved by Stephanie's blog about her brother/mother... Knowing her struggles and how she is still succeeding to change her life and be healthy and Live in the moment instead of dwelling in the past.

Yesterday, The Chocolate Won!!!!!!!

Well, Yesterday... The Chocolate won! Maybe my TOM is coming, maybe I'm more stressed than usual, Maybe it's because I was at the Gyno while he stuffed me full of anything he could find like I was Mary Poppins bag... Whatever it was, The Chocolate Won Which hopefully makes me a loser. I was eating the random chocolate... Yes, Random, This wasn't Godiva, Dove, Ghiradelli, or my favorite...until I got to the Reeses' Cups. I love Reese's cups, I love peanut butter and chocolate together, actually. As I think over the day, I think of some of e the ideas in Geneen Roth's book I'm reading about Depriving yourself. If I had had my favorite, maybe I could have had just one... but I don't keep chocolate around for obvious reasons so I was stuck with hubby's favorites. Each one I checked in my myfitnesspal so I was aware of the empty calories. I knew to stay away from the reeses so I had a funsize twix. Which should have been enough but I was unsatisfied still so I had some reese's pieces which were yummy but not enough. I stay under the full serving size because some how if the itea ends up under 100 calories It's not that bad... I had some goobers and I still had to get to the actual reese's cups and there's were a 1/2 serving wasn't enough... I ended up at like 500 extra empty calories, so like 1500 calories for the day. If I had started with the one I lusted after instead of messing around settling... I could have only had 200 extra empty calories, which would have kept me on track. And Reese's cups at least have 5 grams of protein, see I'm still trying to justify it...I am not going to beat myself up over this... I have a new day in my chocolate-stained hands and I'm going to make it work for me. We all have days when the Chocolate wins, right?

Losing weight is a full time job...

I'm sure I've mentioned it before but I don't work... which is a good thing because my life is a full-time job. I was thinking about most of you, when I went over all the steps there are to living a healthy life and the fact that most of you work as well. Where do you find the time? I have quite a few vitamins I take everyday. i take a chewable bariatric multi-vitamin(twice daily), 1500 mg of Calcium a day in 6 chewy calcium citrate bites(sugar-free) and Sublingual B12 with Folic Acid(All Vitamins are from Bariatric Advantage). The thing I really never did understand before was that you need to space your vitamins out thru out the day so that you can absorb as much as humanly possible... back in my pre-surgery days I would take all my vitamins together and not get as much out of them. I also think about what I eat now...these healthier days. It takes so much more time taking care of your meal plans instead of just grabbing a bag of chips or running thru the nearest drive-thru. Nutrition matters to me now. I want the most benefit out of the least calories. I can take a walk or go workout anytime I want. I can take any class I want since I don't have a work schedule to work around. It was easier when my only exercise was getting up to change the TV when I couldn't find the remote.... but I am a couch potato, no more... I can shop out the best deals... You all have noticed that the healthier the food, the more expensive. I can read more, since my mind is most of my weight problem... not that my mind weighs over 400 pounds but it is what has made me eat the wrong food and too much of it for my whole life. I really still don't know what real hunger feels like... I am not sure if I have ever felt hungry. My mind plays tricks on me and makes me think I'm hungry all the time but what does real hunger feel like? I know as a child I had hungry pains and my stomach groaned, but I don't remember anything about it. I want to be hungry but I'm afraid if i don't eat long enough... I'll want to eat more than I should... i may have felt real hunger a few times during the liquid phase of this journey but even then, not so much. I was rambling... but the moral of this story is "I have the time to lose weight" but since I have less distractions... I also have to be more careful with my thoughts. Some days I would kill for a distraction so I don't even think about food.... You are all my heroes! Losing weight in your free time.

Where there's a will, there's a power!

I am a scrapbooker... I started as a amateur photographer and advanced into displaying those photos into the artform that is papercrafting or scrapbooking. It is very therapeutic and I love it. I have met many other scrapbookers over the years and they are some of the most amazing people I know. Cherishing my memories is a blessing not a curse, we all have things in on our past that we don't want to remember but scrapbooking is the art of remembering all the best moments of our lives and looking at a fulfilling existence.... It represents the idea of the glass being half full not half empty. This is the way I chose to see the world everyday... Glass half full, which is difficult sometimes because I deal with depression and obvious food addiction. I get frustrated that I feel like I take one step forward and two steps back each day when I make my food choices even though I am losing weight and making the right choices most of the time. I feel like I am becoming obsessed again with food but instead of being obsessed with eating it, I am becoming obsessed with not eating it... I don't mean starving myself. I mean, I am not seemlessly going thru my day... I am actively thinking about how to get as much protein as I can in as few calories so I can have room here and there for a little treat. I wanted to eat right and healthy for life, not diet... but I am counting calories, carbs, fat grams, etc... I find myself thinking about my band and utilizing it to the best use... and I am not living in the moment like I always have... I live for my future. I live to see the new me... even though she's here everyday, she's a work in progress... She is not the new me yet. When did this happen? I had this surgery to improve my health and I've done that... but the success is intoxicating. I want more, and more, and more... Is this unhealthy? Will I start to "Go through the motions", eventually? Is this all going though my mind because it hasn't even been 4 months yet and It will be less prevalent down the line? I still have the fear of failure just like with every other diet... but now, I know I am so much more likely to succeed... I still beat myself up for little slipups or cheats... just like any other diet, even though I cheat in moderation... and much less than ever before. I think I can do this... in my heart but my mind doubts me. I can only fail if I give up, right? I want this... I really want this. You can see that, right?

Down with DIabetes!

Ok, I've realized that I haven't gotten back into my routine since returning from Niagara Falls, I have in terms of diet pretty much but exercise... not so much. I keep hoping that that great feeling that I hear people speak of will arrive... but I still hate it, alot. I think it's mostly because at my size the joints are overloaded even walking into the gym... and then there's the lack of muscle... Anyway, I love the water and swim as much as possible which makes me wish I had a pool in my backyard... even a ghetto above ground one, those are great for creating a manual whirlpool, a memory from my youth. Maybe, I'll get one at those after-summer sales. So, I have told you all that I was diagnosed with Diabetes last July... well, one year later my A1C is 5.5, which for you non-diabetics is Literally non-diabetic. I, through eating healthy and losing weight have put my diabetes in complete remission. I can't say I'm cured because It runs in my family, but it is a non-issue these days. I have been off all meds since my surgery but the diabetes was the last thing to jump into line. Blood pressure was in normal range even while I was still in the hospital. Well, my cholestrial is slightly elevated but I am cutting out pork and beef to see if that helps. I am thrilled with my overall health progress and very excited about losing the weight... which is a bonus. As for my diet... i have changed a few basics. I already use reduced sugar ketchup which tastes the same but with less carbs. I changed to light ranch since I decided to eat more salad and dressing is where all the calories are... and I finally gave in to light mayonaise... which I hate since it tastes sweeter like Miracle whip. Anyway, I figured I hardly use mayo anymore since I don't eat any bread so I will use less in Tuna and Chicken salad if I hate it. What do you all do with your tuna salad, chicken salad, or for tartar sauce for fish? I want to keep making strives toward a completely healthy diet but keeping it unhealthy enough to enjoy it. Does that make sense? I am liking alot of healthier foods that I never did before too, which is good. I now get excited about high protein content, especially in things I really love. I never liked Salmon before I went to Alaska last September. I had to try Alaskan Salmon in Alaska... It was delicious, but I assumed that it was because It was so fresh... I tried it again about a month ago to see if the new healthier me liked it... and she did. The new healthier me loves salmon. Also, I used to absolutely love bacon, like alot. I mean it is the candy of meats, but the new healthier me. Not so much, It tastes salty to me now and since I know the calories, and fat content... I don't enjoy it anymore. Weird, right? a little over 4 months ago, I was dipping bacon in chocolate at the strawberry festival, wondering if there was anything better on Earth and today, well... I still love the chocolate. What about you? Did your taste buds change after your surgery? Do you now love things you never did or do you now dislike things that you used to love? .......As for my psychological being, I have been reading through all of Geneen Roth's books on food addictions and emotional eating. I read "Women, Food, and God" first, since it was on Oprah, that's what made me look into her books. It was excellent and eye-opening... Then I read "When Food is Love..." and again, It was soul searching and incredibly interesting. Now I am just starting "Breaking free of Emotional Eating"(or "Breaking Free of Compulsive Eating")... I'll let you know where that goes. I usually don't go for self-help books, all that visualize your goals and you will reach them crap... But Geneen's books are not written overly wordy or technically. They are easy to read and relate to... She tells different people's stories and it is amazing at all the different issues that can cause addictions and prolong them. Anyway, anyone who is reading this, how likes to read, should give them a chance. It is helpful to hear other people's stories and successes... You already know that if you are reading these blogs. Fantastic books... I tried a lapband support group with people who've had surgery with my surgeon and it didn't go well. I didn't feel comfortable there like I do here with you. Most of them were just complaining about my doctor's strict diet restrictions and goals. He believes in us and wants us to succeed, but you don't have to follow the diet exactly, just find your own way to success. Anyway, I may go back another time but not regularly. I didn't find it supportive, but I am just a newbie not even 4 months post-band, maybe that will change. I hardly ever see my therapist and I love her. It is just hard to make time and justify another co-pay if I don't feel like I need it. I will probably go this week. I hope everyone kicked ass on their weigh-ins today, I look forward to reading all about it later. Your Bandaid, *Maria*

The Sisterhood.... my new addiction!

Well, They say that once you lose your food addiction, you will replace it with another addiction... I have replaced it with Blogs... I love reading them and I love writing them! You all truly inspire me with your gorgeous sexy bodies and sheer will power whether you are befores, durings, or afters. I love your honesty and what great sports you are poking fun at yourself and enjoying the journey. I never thought I could keep up reading all your blogs and writing my own but it is as easy as coming home. I am totally inspired by you everyday. I am amazed by your soul searching and admitting to your struggles with food addiction, overcoming horrifying abuse, and finding yourself along the way. When I come to Blogland, the Sisterhood welcomes me home... I am home. Thanx for all your inspirational comments and blogs. Your support is like Air to me... I can't survive without it. If I don't follow you journey... Please know, I want to so post your link here so I can find you and catch up. If you don't follow me, do it! I will strive to inspire and amuse you with my stumbling journey to finding myself inside these cumbersome layers of fat. We are all in this together... and together we are strong. The only thing better than being loved, is being understood... totally. Thanx for everything, *Maria*

BYOC and Getting my Glee On!

Well, I was thinking of letting you in on a little secret before my BYOC... I have weight loss goals like everyone on here... It's still difficult to even speak them out loud but... My doctor wants me to be 185 but I would be content at 220... but I secretly would love to weigh less than my George. I was not always this fat since meeting him 19 years ago but I always weighed more than him. It's funny that I don't remember what I weighed when we met but I know it was more than he weighed. When we met he weighed 175(pretty skinny) but now he weighs 195. It could happen, seriously right, In my wildest dreams, but it is possible! I still think about him and how comfy he is in his own skin. He walks around naked all the time, I know it's just me that sees but he enjoys being naked, dancing around and making me laugh, etc. I dream of the day when I will be that comfy in my own skin and with my new lower level of fat. That day is not here... by any means, but I feel like it's on it's way. That being said... I have another crazy thought, I break into song quite often, I really like to sing and I love music. So, My inner Gleek would love to break into a tune and whoever's around immediately dance and sing back up. Does that sound like I've lost it? It would be so incredible... One day, When I started singing a couple of girls that I scrapbook with at Piktails (my scrapbook store) just starting singing with me and it was so much fun... Why doesn't that happen more often? The world would be such an awesome place to live if more people just broke into song whenever they felt so compelled. Anyway, enough daydreamer stuff... on to the BYOC.... 1)Love or Money, High-salary or job satisfaction.... I would like all of the above but If I had to choose... I wouldn't trade my Love for anything so... Love wins on that one. As for the other... I like not working at all but If I had to work, I would go for High-Salary unless I was expected to be immoral or cruel to people or animals. I could get the satisfaction by doing charity work in my own time or travelling with all that money from the high-salary. 2)What is you favorite time of day? I really like after midnight, it's so quiet, I can read before bed, watch TV/DVR, and cuddle with my hubby. It is a wonderful time every day, so that would be my answer, although I love twilight not just for Edward Cullen, It's a beautiful time of day. 3)Draz's inlaws just had their wills done which made her wonder this...Do you have a will? Did you tell anyone your wishes to be kept alive or not? I do not have a will... I will all my old clothes to the Sisterhood of the travelling Pants(LOL), besides that our stuff would go to the other one if one of us died.... but we're in trouble if we both die at the same time. I want to be cremated and have all my organs donated... and my husband and Mother both know that. 4)Repeat Question: Pick one thing ffor one day next week that you'll do for your physical or mental health... Well, I haven't gone to therapy for a while and I made an appointment for next thursday. I highly recommend Therapy for anyone... There's nothing more therapeutic than someone just letting you go on and on about yourself and your daily dramas. I never have to let her talk about herself... It's the most selfish and most wonderful relationship I have... Although I enjoy interactive bitching as well. 5)Repeat question: Whose blog or comment spoke to you this week and Why? I have to say all the wonderful comments that I got after my "Too Fat to Fit in...Here?" blog were extremely moving to me... Everyone was so supportive about my fears and the long hard road I have ahead of me... It was wonderful to feel so loved from people who have never met me but completely understand where I'm coming from, That is my biggest comfort and the best thing that has come from this blog.

You guys Rock!

I want to thank all of you who commented or read my blog post from yesterday... Your support which I feel daily is what made me feel strong enough to feel vulnerable enough to write that Blog post. The email I received made me realize that I haven't let you in to my life, not completely, because the person who wrote me wouldn't have taken that tone if they really knew how hard I am on myself, how much I judge myself, or how far I've come so far. Well, now they do... If they read it, I mean. It hurts to know that someone who you admire thinks you could do better or eat better, but I know I could eat better. And since Stephanie told us in comments that 1/2 of the calories still get through when I Chew and Spit popcorn... that was enough to stop me doing it anyway, the other person could have saved her email. It is a gross habit and I will do well without it. Many of you weigh what I have to lose.... I find that incredible. That I have to lose a whole semi-fat girl to be a semi-fat/chubby girl. You are all doing so well and i feel both supported and inspired by you everyday. Now that you really know me, I will tell you my NSVs/goals.... 1)To be able to always sit in a booth at a restaurant, Texas Roadhouse was my inspiration, If I would have sat in a booth there I would have been cut in half like a magician's assistant... Guess what? I sat in a booth the last 2 times I ate there... I don't allow myself steak often but when I do that's where I go. I love booths.... they're comfy/cozy! 2)I want to be able to fly without the stress of not fitting in the seat, having to pay for a 2nd seat, or having to ask for a seatbelt extension... That humiliation of being confronted about my huge ass which is too big to fit in the seat.... I don't recommend it! Whenever I fly Southwest I know they are going to humiliate me in front of other people... Why do I feel that way? Do I think that no one notices that I am fat until the southwest employee brings it to their attention? The last time I flew to Buffalo,NY for my Niagara Falls/Toronto Trip... I flew there on Southwest and they made me pay for a 2nd seat for my 2nd ass cheek... I told myself I was prepared and wouldn't cry or get upset.... but after losing 60 pounds It was the first time they made me pay for the 2nd seat... It wasn't a good way to start our vacation and my husband gets very angry and confrontational when I am treated that way so, We were both pretty upset... to say the least. Since the flight was no where near full and they refund the money if it is not a full flight, They shouldn't even have confronted me or charged us... We will be refunded but my pride was hurt after all my hard work and sacrifice. On the way back with Delta, no mention of my weight or paying.... Thank God for Delta! I will fly again with Southwest, someday but not until my ASS is ready to... Literally! 3)I love roller coasters and since my body has been so big recently... I don't fit on them anymore. And it's humilitating to find out while on the platform after waiting 90 minutes in line. I would like to ride the Hulk at Universal Studios... and Expedition Everest at Disney's Animal Kingdom. 4)I would like to be able to know Victoria's secret... I have never been able to shop there, When I was a thinner fat girl like most of you, I couldn't afford to shop there and now that i can afford to shop there.... I wouldn't fit in anything they sell. I have my eyes on a PINK Phillies shirt that is awesome and only goes up to size L... I am still a 2x at best, so a long way off but my upper body is smaller that my lower body so It is an obtainable goal... i want that shirt. It is made for someone 1/2 my age and 1/2 my size. I know I shouldn't buy it even if I could fit it.... but, no one said I was logical. I am a huge Phillies fan and want to be more girly and stylist with my spirit. It's stretchy and would accent my amazing cleavage...LOL Actually most things that are sparkly and girly aren't made in Plus sizes, I want to sparkle too... I want to be the bling. It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that bling. 5)I want to not need my wheelchair at all... I usually don't need it now but there's always the chairs with arms dilemma. I don't fit in most chairs with arms comfortably. So at Concerts, shows, ballgames, etc. I bring my wheelchair still so that I know I have a seat that I'll be comfy in... I've got a big butt and I cannot lie, you other sisters can't deny! 6)I want to be thin enough to really enjoy nature, I love waterfalls and ancient ruins... but I can't handle the walks and climbs to where they are located. I love that so many are wheelchair accessible these days but I want to climb to a great viewing point, I want to totally experience the beauty. I want to be one with the beauty! I want to climb the Pyramids in Egypt, I want to swim under a waterfall, I want to see everything that nature has to offer. I travel alot and It was better this time in Niagara Falls. I could go places I never could before, I could experience things I never could before... and it will be even better next time.. These goals are going to be enough for today! I don't wanna bite off more than I can chew... LOL, I never get tired of those eating cliches... I am Shrinking daily! I don't live to eat, I eat to live! Tomorrow is a brighter day and a thinner day! *Maria*

Too fat to fit in...here?

These are my before and after photos.... or should I say after and before... I am not very computer saavy...The one is with Susan Kay, (Our Bariatric Cooridinator, who is our support person who runs alot of the support groups and the clothes closet) which was taken right before my surgery and the other one is on my 3 month bandiversary.... i see a huge difference. I see where all the 60 pounds fell off of... I am thrilled with my progress. Sometimes, I feel like the most I have to offer you all is to let you see how bad it could have been for you if you really let yourself go... I mean, you all have great NSVs and most of you are at my goal weight now... even though you are still on your journey. Does that sound obnoxious? I am jealous of you for your skinnyness... and I am so looking forward to eventually being in your shoes... or should I say pants. I want to get into your pants.... LOL. Well, actually I want to get into my niece's pants, I guess I should explain better for anyone who doesn't live in Kentucky. ooooooh! I am bitchy today. Sorry, Kentuckyans. My niece, Niki, is 20 and was wearing 24 and 26 pants... she lost alot of weight on her own and now wears 18s... well, that leaves her old pants for me to work my way into... So I can look forward to Carmen's clothes that she shrunk out of and my niece's jeans that she shrunk out of... hence, wanting to get in my niece's pants. So anyway, here I go with my quest of inspiring you through my near death experience. I have been overweight for over 1/2 my life. I was a "healthy" fat girl for most of that time... I mean, I was chubby, chunky and overly curvy... but no health conditions. But I fell 6 years ago at work and injured both my knees... You don't realize how active you are until you are completely inactive. That being said I was diagnosed with diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure, high cholestrial, arthritis, acid reflex, and ended up in a wheelchair most of the time... I stopped being invited places since I wasn't able to get around very well, and bringing your hubby along on a girls' night can put a damper on things... My inactivity didn't only gain me weight, it sorta lost me friends. I was always the life of the party, funny, flirty, charmer... but then I wasn't there anymore... I lost myself. So, I knew i had to do something... but I had become disabled and lost my job, and my health insurance. So, there I was, no job, no insurance, no friends, and 1000 miles away from most of my family. I finally got social security disablity and that gave me better health benefits than I had with my husband's work. So then I made the final decision to have gastric bypass surgery... It was all I knew, my uncle had it, my aunt had it, 2 friends had it... no one I knew had a lapband so I went to a seminar near me for gastric bypass. They weighed me and it was the first time I was weighed in over 5 years... you see, most doctor's scales go up to 350 pounds so I knew I was higher than that.... but, 475 pounds, How? That's like 500 pounds. OMG, i cried and cried and cried... I knew my work was cut out for me, but that's alot more work than I expected. No wonder, Even Fat girls looked down on me... I was huge, even to them. How did I let myself get this bad? I know I deal with depression and severe pain... but that's ridiculous. When i went to my surgeon's office for consultation, he suggested the lapband instead. So, I researched and liked the flexibility of it and the adjustibility of the band. So 3 1/2 months later, here I am, 415 pounds... 60 pounds gone. I am being honest with you because I got an email from someone I admired earlier who put me back in my place as the huge girl, again. I know she meant well, but I am hard enough on myself. The judgement is something I've had all my life.... i came here for support not to be scutinized. Yes, I struggle still, I am a food addict, and my compulsion will take alot of reteaching and reprogramming. No doubt! I do not like working out because of the severe pain that I already have without working out but I do it, once in a while, just not often enough... I eat the wrong things sometimes but I eat the right things most of the time. I want to succeed, and I already have succeeded... my success is that I am no longer on any of my meds for diabetes, high blood pressure, acid reflex, or high cholestrial... I don't have excruciating back pain and my knee pain is much less too. I can sit in booths at restaurants without holding my breath and belly in. I eat better and have more energy. Anyway, I want to be able to be honest in this blog without the fear of being judged for everything I say and do... I want to be me here, not some fictional version of me. I thought of this as a safe place but I am afraid that I am too fat to fit in... even here.

My life in a nutshell!

Well, I am really enjoying Geneen Roth's "When Food is Love..." actually, I'm almost done. I have been practicing some of her guidelines too and they are helping me get the cravings under control... somewhat. She says that eating slowly and savoring your meals while sitting down with no distractions is a good way to learn to enjoy your food more and I have found that that is very true but It is difficult to not eat watching TV or eat too fast since I have been hungry lately. I am attempting to lower my daily calories and somedays it goes better than other days... We'll see at the end of the month, how much difference that makes in my weight loss. Yesterday, My husband and I went to the movies and saw a couple great movies... We love to go to the movies and have pretty much gone at least once a week since we met 19 years ago. We saw The Last Airbender and the A Team and they were both very good. Last week, we saw Knight & Day and Grown ups also very good. I love the movie popcorn but I chew the taste out of it and spit it out to keep from getting the carbs/calories, weird, huh? I am trying to get off Chocolate and it has been the hardest thing to give up. I eat sugar-free chocolate and never eat much of it but I really love Chocolate. Chocolate!!!!!! On family holidays, I really miss my family. They had a big family get together yesterday and we live 1000 miles away from Philly, our hometown. Since My George works for DisneyWorld, it is hard for him to get off on holidays so we are never up there at any holidays, oh well... such is life. We do love living down here... In Orlando, Florida for this last decade... but I wish we didn't have to be so far from our family. I hope you all enjoyed your Independence Day... or if you're not an American, your weekend. I am figuring out a list of long term and short term goals and I will probably post again tomorrow night. *Maria*

BYOC>>>>>> Saturday Edition.

I guess I have to bring more crazy since I constantly am late with my BYOC. What a mess this week has been so I should expect more crazy than the usual abundance. Let me get right to it! 1)Seeing that this is a patriotic holiday of sorts... Draz thought of this one, Where were you on September 11? First of all, a patriotic holiday of sorts? It is our country's birthday so it is the most patriotic holiday of all, not of sorts.... LOL. Well, at least for us crazy American bloggers... And since the world revolves around us... On September 11, I had to work. I worked for DisneyWorld answering "all" of the phone lines and as you can imagine with Disney being one of the supposive targets it was crazy. I got called into work early, I couldn't stop crying. It was such a shock that I really couldn't believe it. We closed down all the parks... which never happens but we couldn't take a risk of someone getting hurt because of Disney being business as usual, No one was business as usual that day. We had alot of crazy questions from all over the world. When I said I answered all the phones... I wasn't kidding. I worked the switchboard where all the main numbers for all the parks, resorts, information lines, etc... including ABC New York. which means so many more calls with questions and concerns. It was a great distraction and it kept me from thinking about the loss of life and the murderers who have no thought for human life. I flew back from Philly the day before, my twins nieces were born September 5 and we went up for their baby shower... which they decided not to miss. They were born premature so there were many worries but they were beautiful and tiny but pulled through well, considering. We flew back on September 10th... and we were lucky that we had to work September 11, mostly because we could have been on one of those planes. I still can't help but think about how our country was changed that day... 2)What is your idea of fun? If given the chance to skip work/life for an entire day, what would you do?(assume you'd be by yourself) I would wake up, take a long uninterrupted shower, spend some quality time with my multi-setting showerhead (TMI?), I would eat breakfast, head out to shop, go to the stores I wanted to go, maybe a mani/pedi, stop by Piktails(My scrapbook store) sit and crop a while and have lunch with the girls there, maybe go to the movies and/or watch a bunch of silly reality TV. Blog and read my blogs... then bedtime. I might throw a nice bath in there instead of the shower... but my showerhead might get jealous. 3)Suggestion from a follower, some blog questions... How many blogs do you follow? 59 Do you read them all or just your favorites?I usually read them all, but when I'm in a hurry or behind, I sometimes miss a few. Do you comment a little, alot on all? I try to comment always but sometimes, If it's something I don't know alot about or I don't have the experience yet, I will just give a few words of support but no advice. I undervalue my own advice in these cases... LOL Have you ever unfollowed someone because of something they said or you didn't like about their blog? Not Yet, but the day is just getting started... keep yourselves prim, proper and in line with my high standards and morals... wait, What was that about my showerhead? I can't think of anything that would make me offended enough to drop someone but I don't like it when people lose weight and then become the people who made their life miserable always judging people's weight, constantly watching what other's eat(worry about your own decisions), or what they wear(Yes, I've seen the chubby girl in the Spandex Miniskirt), or God Forbid call someone names because of their weight... I come here for support to help me succeed in my quest for weight loss, not to feel fatter and be judged for my weight. I like this community for alot of reasons but mostly for support and acceptance. I will never forget the fat that I escaped from... It is still a part of me. Do you routinely unfollow and why? I don't unfollow... but if someone stops writing their blog for several months, maybe I would stop follow but probably not even then, since if they're not writing it wouldn't clog up my dashboard and i wouldn't see their blog to think about it. I always follow a blogger who makes me laugh since I love to laugh and make other's laugh. 4)Repeat question... Pick one day and one healthy thing that you'll do just for that day next week. On monday, I will drink more water... I try to get in a gallon every day but fail most days. I will drink a gallon of water on monday. 5)Repeat "Make someone a superstar question"...Whose blog post or comment has stuck with you this week and why? I have to say that Amy W.'s "I'm coming out" blog was so brave, witty, and honest... which is usual for her blogs but it is refreshing still. She is an amazing inspiration and I hope to continue to let honesty have it's way with me in my blog... most of the time.

Ramblings of a Chocolaholic...

Thanx for all the wonderful words of advice, you girls are so supportive and always keep me from diving into a pool full of chocolate pudding. I was a little nervous about the lack of loss this month but we were travelling/away for over 1/2 of it. I am struggling with tough cravings today and I feel like I was letting the carbs get the best of me... I was sort of worried and nervous about the weight loss stall... I will overcome this thing too. I have lost 60 pounds in just a little over 3 months and I never expected to lose that much that fast. My doctor is thrilled with my progress and so am I, but this journey is long so I have to make sure I keep it moving. Gilly, you are probably right, I mean, maybe since I have so much to lose, dieting for a while would be smart. I do make alot of sacrifices and watch what I eat already which could seem like a diet already. I don't eat any bread, rice or pasta at all but I treat myself to sugar-free chocolate too often, way too often and sugar-free is not calorie-free. I love chocolate... especially during my TOM. Well, I can do better, for sure. I mean if worse comes to worse.... I could continue eating 1200 calories a day, eat chocolate a couple times a week and not exercise regularly... hoping to continue losing the 2 pounds a week. If I diet some days and exercise more... I could lose a little more and kick my weight loss up a notch. I will get there! When, may be up in the air but i will get there... BTW, What a surprise! There was a huge box of incredibly awesome clothes waiting for me when I got home today from the Sisterhood... Thanx so much Carmen! I will look like I just walked off the Catwalk, thanx to your great style and shrinking bod! *Maria*

Just one of those days....

Anyway, I went to the Surgeon for the first time in 2 months and as you know if you read my previous blogs I used a $.25 scale in a rest stop on a road trip last month... Well, my weight is the same since then... if that scale was correct, and it probably wasn't. I haven't lost or gained a pound this month. I guess I should be glad I didn't gain weight since we travelled alot this month and I didn't always eat right... So I asked for a fill but he was thrilled with the 16 pounds I lost over the last almost 2 months, so he decided to leave my band where it is... I am not sure what to think. I have lost at least 2 pounds a week since my surgery but I have been eating 1200 calories a day... he told me today I should be eating less than 800 and no carbs. I don't see how this could be my lifestyle no carbs and 800 calories or less. How can he be happy with my weight loss and not with how I lost it? I feel like I am already making alot of sacrifices... and I know I have to do that to obtain my goals... but I guess I have to try harder and not cheat as much. In other news, I went to my first support group meeting and didn't really feel it... the support I mean. It could have been that I wasn't in the right frame of mind for it. Also, I forgot my phone at home like an idiot. Which always makes me feel out of sorts... and lost, literally. I use the GPS all the time and without the phone... i relied on my memory.... which gets a little mixed up at times but I made it home alive. I did start reading Geneen Roth's book "When Food is Love" and haven't been able to put it down... so far. It is good too like the Oprah pick "Women, Food and God"... She's a really honest person and a great writer. I am doing alot of soul-searching and finding myself... that sounds so corny and silly but it is true. I am finding that I am not who I think I am... sometimes,at least, I am something else.