- Binge.... There was a father had a girl and Bingy was her name, OH... B-I-N-G-E, B-I-N-G-E, B-I-N-G-E and Bingy was her name-O! I binge still... on healthier food but still too much. Sometimes, on Gym days I am so hungry that I could eat 3000 calories if I let myself. I still keep chocolate out of the house, and ice cream... since those melt and the band is worthless to fight against them. I know my limitations but I ignore them and think I can handle moderation now... but I can't.
- Workout... I want to workout longer or 2 times a day but my body is weak and crippled still from carrying around all this extra weight. My knees are causing me alot of pain, and my hip has been acting up... I feel like I am 80 years old in body and 20 years old in mind. I still fight the urge to be a couch potato or sleep til noon... but I feel like I'm forcing myself to be more active... like I don't want to but it's an obligation. I want to WANT to be mobile always!
- Eating when I'm not hungry... or waiting to eat til I'm too hungry. I want to eat just to be eating sometimes, like I miss my life as it was... I realize now that I gave up on myself for several years before I got my band. I ate what I wanted, when I wanted, and as much as I wanted... and never exercised. I had a good life, a really good life. My husband did all the housework, and cooking... and supported us financially as well. He was and is my hero. I want to do more... I want to be his hero sometimes too.
- My Health... It is much better for sure, 130 pounds lighter but I still have a way to go. It was fear that brought me to the band. My sister died at 33, she was Obese, Diabetic, had High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, and Sleep Apnea. In 2004, I fell and destroyed both knees... In 2005, I lost my job at Disney for attendance, sometime it was hard to get out of bed, I was in pain all the time.... My weight became a real downer. After I was diagnosed with Diabetes, High Cholesterol, High Blood Pressure, Sleep Apnea... I saw myself going the way of my sister... leaving behind a gorgeous semi-young perfectly molded husband for some stupid girl to destroy... Do I sound Bitter? Well, I sorta am... But I am no longer a diabetic, my blood pressure and cholesterol are normal and my sleep apnea is milder... I feel better physically. But Mentally, I need work... big time.
- The facts don't change.... Losing weight is hard work always, banded or not. It is much easier to eat 3500 extra calories and gain a pound than to burn 3500 extra calories to lose a pound... and much quicker. A Body at Rest stays at rest, A Body in motion stays in motion(Thanx Arthritis commercial). If it tastes great, you'll gain weight(Almost always a fact, and when it's not... It just makes you want to eat more crap). Trying to replace a craving with a "healthy" close enough, never works... just eat the thing you crave or you'll eat your way to it. Your support is the best thing to cure the WTFs(That's the legal term). BTW, I still have a great life... even greater now that my weight is less great.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
How's Life in The FAT Lane?
I gotta say that this weight loss journey isn't always easy... In fact, it's hardly ever easy. Old habits die hard, or in my case... live forever. Just when I think i have this body working for me, instead of against me... I fall again. Fall How?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I love what you said about not leaving your husband around for some other stupid girl to destroy. I feel the same- I have an awesome husband and he would be too easy for someone to swoop in behind me and use him. So I am getting healthy and sticking around!
ReplyDeleteDoes your gym have a pool (or is there a pool close to you)? You could get a good workout in the pool without having any of the impact that hurts your knees. If you are not a fan of laps, or if it is a bit too much to contemplate right now, get a kickboard and just kick back and forth. You can get your heartrate up and have a wonderful workout with just about zero impact!
ReplyDeleteI agree that learning to control our eating is super difficult, but you have already come so far! Hang in there:)
I completely get what you mean about wanting to want to be active. I'm in the same boat. It is so easy to justify sitting on the couch all day after work, cause I'm "working" on homework! I don't want to look for excuses, I want to live a full and active life.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy, but you have made some AMAZING changes already. Your brain just needs to catch up to your body now! I tried texting you yesterday but got an error - do I have the wrong number? I had "chicken and lettuce, bitch" (I went to Muscle Maker Grill for lunch and got the grilled chicken nuggets with hot sauce and fat free sour cream, and a side salad with balsamic vinaigrette) so I was thinking about you, Heidi, Amy, and our awesome weekend. :-)
ReplyDeleteIm with you sister...on all of the above. Let's talk about body pain. I have been thinking about trying glucosamine (spelling?) for all my pain in my joints. My knees are the worst, but my shoulders arent much better. I talked to the nutritionist about it yesterday, and it kinda sounds like there is a 50/50 chance of it working. So I might try it for a few months. If it makes you feel any better, Heather, who has never been fat, has really achy hips and joints as well. But we did do damage to our bodies being so damn fat...and we have to work around it as best we can.
ReplyDeletesnacking and overeating on healthy foods are better than snacking and overeating on junk food...which I do. So you have me there!
Have you thought about swimming for your cardio? When I used to belong to the Y I loved loved loved it. I would swim a mile and feel amazing. We dont have a nice YMCA down here.