Thursday, April 12, 2012

I often wonder....

I often wonder if I am meant to be Fat forever.... I have always struggled to lose weight but the addiction seems so strong lately. I am going to the Surgeon's office once a month and staying accountable... but I don't struggle to maintain at this high weight... I only struggle to lose. My food budget is not as high as it used to be so I am not able to keep the same routine lately. I haven't given up my Greek yogurt and fiber one breakfast, but protein shakes aren't in the budget these days... So they are gone. I am hoping that my husband finds a job soon, I feel like I am playing a waiting game most days and some days I am losing the game more than others. We are blessed to have a place to live but it is hard thinking about how much better we were in Florida, financially. When I spend time with my nephews and see how adorable my pregnant Sister-in-law and Pregnant Niece look, it is all worth it. I do not regret moving back home but a job would make everything better....Without money, I can't see my nephews as much because the gas is so pricey... and I can't eat as healthy because healthy foods are so expensive. I am hoping that we will turn this around soon... 











14 comments:

  1. What did you do for a living before you had the issues where you were wheelchair bound? Now that you've lost so much weight, I think it would be great activity and an emotional load lightened off your shoulders (and less pressure on George) if you went back to work. It would put less pressure on George and benefit you both! :) Good luck to you!

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    1. *******I was an operator in a call center at Disney... but I guess I should have mentioned that I am disabled and unable to work. If I were to go back to work, prematurely... I would lose my health insurance and since dependability is an issue with my health, I probably wouldn't be able to work more than a few hours a week, so I wouldn't be helping much financially... in fact, hurting us financially since the medical expenses would bankrupt us, without health insurance. My husband would probably have a nervous breakdown if I went back to work, which would make him feel like less of a man, than the struggle to find a job already has. We are very happy together and I really don't want our relationship to suffer with the added stress. I gained all my weight while working full time, and have lost it all without the stress of working. Thanx for your ideas and emotional support though.

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  2. Oh Maria, I'm so bummed for you that you are struggling! I think it's pretty common. I know many of us have maintained but are having trouble losing again.

    The job situation is a major bummer too! Sorry, I don't recall...what kind of work do you do? What was your job in FL? You worked for Disney, right? I will send you major positive vibes to find employment sooooon!!!

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    1. I was an operator at a Call center for Disney. If I go back to work, I would lose my health insurance so I cannot do that without causing us severe financial problems and debt. My husband says my job is getting my health back, and it would destroy his pride for me to get a job before him and lose my insurance... He would consider that a personal failure on his part. We are both pretty traditional like that. I really would like to help out but I still have alot of weight to lose, since I am heavier now after losing 130 pounds than most of you were at the start of your journey.

      As for my plateau, The nutritionist keeps raising my calories per day to get me off my plateau but without eating junk food, it is hard to get to that calorie limit... They have told me that they would never have encouraged me to get the band because of my high BMI, because the band would only help me get part way to my goals... I feel like every pound I have lost came from hard work on my part and now that that hard work is getting me no where fast... I am working toward revising since we can't get a good adjustment level... meaning, One day I could swallow a side of beef and the next day I choke up greek yogurt. Weird? They are doing tests to figure out what's wrong...

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  3. I can appreciate wanting to be near family (my own family is in New York while I am in FL) but not at the expense of not being able to support my immediate family. Have you given any thought to moving back to FL where your husband can find work? It doesn't make sense to me to live your life for your extended family at the expense of your immediate family Maria. I'm sure all this stress also plays a major part in your struggle to lose weight.

    Revision surgery is not the answer if you still are not able to eat healthy food in smaller quantities and exercise on a daily basis. Other WLS still require the same formula of eat less/move more...same as the band. No magic wand with the Sleeve or GB. Cupcakes and cheese steak sandwiches go down just as easy with any WLS...believe me, I speak from experience. You still decide what you are eating and how much.

    My advice to you is to hold off from any additional surgery until you get your life better situated as it doesn't sound like you are settled at this time.

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    1. Jac.... don't be so dramatic, it's not like we're begging on the streets and living in a refrigerator box under an overpass. We went down to Florida last month for a couple weeks for George to work, which helped us catch up on some bills and buy us so time.

      As for the revision, I am going through insurance so it takes alot of time to get to the actual surgery date... Since you were never at as high a BMI as me, your issues will be different than mine. My doctor and nutritionist both are telling me that I needed to have a more aggressive surgery since I needed to lose as much weight as I do. So that's what I am doing... As for Cheesesteaks, Philly people don't sit around eating those all the time, I don't eat red meat at all and I can't eat bread so they're not in my diet... ever. You were banded, so you should know that cheesesteaks or any sandwiches don't SLIDE right down with a Lapband. I have an addiction to sugar but I don't keep it in my house for that reason, no ice cream or chocolate or cookies or cake... Not at all. I treat myself once in a while to them when I am out but not often.


      It is easy to know all the answers to someone else's problems... when you don't have enough of the information. It is very easy to see someone who is morbidly obese and believe they are sitting around eating cupcakes and cheesesteaks and that is the reason for the lack of weight loss or their weight to begin with... That is not the case with me.

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    2. You are right maria....I have no idea what I am talking about. Good luck to you.

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  4. Good luck getting back on track. Hope you find a job soon!

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    1. Thanx, I hope George finds a job soon too.

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  5. Maria, hang in there .. if you are crafty there is Etsy (website to sell your handcrafts), gas is pricey and is hitting home for everyone. something has to give with this economy though.. you have your George and your health and they are two of the greatest gifts you can have.. much hugs

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    1. Thank you Barb, They are the greatest gifts... You are so supportive and non-judgemental... It's refreshing. XOXO, *M*

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  6. Sending you a big hug. That sounds very stressful. I'm glad that you have your amazing George and family close by now, and am sending best wishes for George to find work soon.

    As an aside, I get so mad at doctors who tell people that they probably won't get to goal with the band. That kind of thing becomes a self-fulfilling proficy many times. You've already lost more than 130 pounds! That is a success by any measure, regardless of what you want to lose in total, and I firmly believe that someone who has accomplished as much as you have could go all the way to goal with the right help. I don't know whether the right help is the band, sleeve, or something else, but I am betting that you will find it. xoxoxo

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    1. Thank you Catherine, You are always so supportive... I adore you. You are right, I have been very successful with my band... I am just making a change to get the rest of the way to my goals. My Original surgeon's very restrictive diet is the reason I didn't get there with the band... It was 800 calories a day, lean and green only. My nutritionist believes it put me into starvation mode and I haven't been able to get my metabolism back on track... I lost a ton on weight really fast but slowed down and stopped after like 6-8 months. It was a tough decision but I need to do what's best for my health. I really appreciate having your friendship and support. XOXO *M*

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