I've been having alot of "THOSE" days.... You Know, My husband loves me the way I am... I am healthier than I was last year... I feel much better, so I can endulge my other loves... Cake, Chocolate, Ice Cream, and Cookies...
My weight's been slowing down to meet me... I mean to say, After I lost 120 pounds in a year and even a little before that... I felt great like I weighed 150 pounds, was athletic and could do anything.... Until I saw a mirror. Realization set in and reminded me how very far I have to go and I felt sorry for myself. If I was just 300 pounds like most of my Blog Boobs when I started this journey I'd be circling the block looking for a parking place now... Instead of losing another couple hundred pounds... WTF Did I do to myself? How could I let this happen? Why did this happen to me? Pity Party Table for 1....
I have to reset myself: Both brain and body to think that I am just starting out and I can do this.... You will not defeat me! The Evil Chocolatier! The Ice Creamer, The Cookie Monster, or even The Cake Boss! Why do Villains seem so much worse with "The" in front of their name?
I am in new uncharted territory... I mean, I've never been this far through Candyland without getting stuck with a gumdrop up my butt or molasses on my shoes.... I am in my 2nd consecutive year of mostly losing weight and even when not losing weight... Not gaining it back? Can this be my life now? Am I becoming "normal"? You know the normal I mean, That girl who will struggle with a few extra pounds but that's all. Bare in mind, a few extra pounds to me, could end up being 100... but Who cares!
I can make mostly good choices, I can exercise pretty regularly, I can eat in moderation, even though I may not always choose to do these things.... Most importantly, I can be the Better Me! The one I've dreamed about but not quite got to know... I can feel her inside me bubbling up to the surface. She looks in the mirror and likes what she sees, even when I nit-pick.... She laughs when she falls and gets up and skip, even when I sit on the ground and feel sorry for myself... She rolls her eyes when I complain about my loose skin melting all over me, and makes me smile when I feel my ribs through my Thinner skin... She is planning her coming out party while I am pushing her back in with self-sabotage. But she is stronger than me, alot of the time, and is getting stronger everyday. She is the girl I love to hate.... but she is the girl who hates to love me.
Your last paragraph is just like cha-ching for me! I am so happy with the fact that my fella can pick me up, that I weigh less than my bf for the first time ever, that I am sometimes not the fattest girl at the gym, that I feel better on the inside - that sometimes I forget I am only halfway through - fight her out baby!
ReplyDelete"I can make mostly good choices, I can exercise pretty regularly, I can eat in moderation, even though I may not always choose to do these things.... Most importantly, I can be the Better Me!"
ReplyDeleteOnly YOU can choose to do this Maria and you say that you can, so YOU need to do it! I am almost at goal and I am having my band taken out and it scares me to death! That is why I am having the more extreme VSG revision that same day. The thought of regaining the weight I lost with the band terrify's me!
On the continuation of my journey, researching the VSG I have become addicted to Eggface, http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/ and her recipes. They are very low carb or no carb in a lot of instances. You should look at them. I have been making the protein ice cream and love it. All it is, is a protein shake in an ice cream maker. If you like the shake you will love the ice cream. I know you like your sweets and she has a recipe for everything. Donuts and cake even. I havent made the donuts but the cake is delish and its so quick to make!
You are now back with your family and that should be a huge inspiration for you. You have your nephews there to help you stay focused. You CAN lose the rest of your weight and I know you will!
Girl, you can do this. Let that girl out!!!! Yes, your hubby loves you the way you are, but he will be able to love you longer if you get healthier! HUGS!!!
ReplyDeleteYour post has made me realised that that is what had happened to me. you have done so well, it is understandable that you need a little break inbetween the journey, but now it is time for us both to get back to it and let that inner thin lady take over the reins again :o)
ReplyDeleteI think this post is amazing..so raw and heartfelt. I relate with so many of your emotions and you are brave...brave to recognize where you have come from and where you have to go. you can absolutely do this and will do this. in times when I am struggling, I remember my Grandpa's favorite saying "1-2, 1-2 with the feet" ...sometimes it is just continuing to take those lil steps and soon before you realize it, you have gone down the field.
ReplyDeleteThis hit a spot for me, I'm in the same place. I'm 'comfortable' but I know I can be better.
ReplyDeleteI know you can do it, Maria! You have such an incredible spirit, enthusiasm and attitude. This is a long journey that you are on, but with lots of friends and nice things waiting for you all the way! Glad to be on it with you! :)
ReplyDeleteI've been having a lot of "those days" as well. I am back at the weight I was my whole life before ballooning and I feel good....but I want to be better than I have ever been!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post!
Breanne
www.ladylapband.com