Friday, March 18, 2011
My Super Villain... Frienemy!
I am sure those of you who know me... know who the Super Villain to my Wonder Woman is... The Chocolatier! The original Frienemy... I have a love/hate relationship with Chocolate, since as long as I can remember... even before I was Pleasantly Plumpin' up! I have been giving it alot of thought for several days now, and I have experienced all levels of this addiction... So, Why can't I give up the drug? I know that food addiction is the worst addiction since you can't go COLD turkey on food... but I could give up Chocolate, physically... but emotionally, not so much. I can't get my head around it! I know it causes me stalls in weight loss, weight gain, binges, cravings, and obsessions that I want to leave behind me... The result of all this thought... IF I CAN GIVE UP CHOCOLATE, I CAN BEAT THE WHOLE THING!
***Will I have to give up my favorite protein shakes because they are chocolate flavored? I hope not, It took me a long time to find protein shakes that were low carb and didn't taste like HELL! Well, at first I will only give up Chocolate that melts... Like Candy Bars, regular or sugar free.
****If the cravings don't stop, I will have to give up my sugar free dark chocolate pudding... and I hope it doesn't come to that. I will only eat them if I want chocolate... and need to fill the void. I am probably going to ween myself off them too, but baby steps, People!
****I am hoping that I will enjoy the chocolate flavor of the protein shakes enough to squash the need for other chocolate replacement items.
****I realize how silly I sound but this is my Kryptonite... and I need to get to a better place with food. I am not at this happy green place that I read about in other blogs and I blame myself. Eating is still more important to me than It should be. I don't want to eat alot of the time, not because of not being hungry but because I want to eat things that aren't good choices for me... If I curb the cravings, I will kill the beast.
****You may ask, Why Maria? Why would you wait til you are almost banded a year to make this change? Well, Let me be honest, I was hoping to be one of these bandsters who eat one square of chocolate and savor it, and walk away satisfied... I am not one of these lucky bitches, no offense to those of you who are.... I wish I was one of the COOL kids who can do Chocolate and not have it be a "Gateway Drug"... like it is to me. You know who you are.... I used to think Ice cream was my kryptonite, but I can eat a little and walk away satisfied... Now who's the lucky bitch? I hardly even have ice cream anymore... or cookies, chips, etc. Chocolate made me it's bitch years ago, and now I need to fight back.
****Think of this like an intervention that i am having over blogland... This post is mostly me thinking out loud. I know you will support me in the hardest fight of my life.... This is the overly dramatic part of the intervention. I may get to a place where I can eat a piece of chocolate and smile satisfied, but that is not today... and tomorrow is unlikely too.
**** I have beaten many villains in my journey... Fried Foods, Ice cream, chips, popcorn, most candy, doughnuts, red meat, bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, most sauces and gravies, baked goods(Even cupcakes), and __________. Someday, I will fill Chocolate is that last blank, the rest of those Items I eat rarely, but they don't eat me. I own them... but they don't own me. Chocolate owns me. It really does! I am a self-admitted drama queen but I ain't lying!