Thursday, March 3, 2011

When did FAT begin?....

Looking back at my history of self esteem... here I am at about 18... I look like I am so happy and full of confidence... I was beautiful. I know I still am beautiful... but somewhere along the way, I stopped trying.Here I am on my honeymoon... I was 26 years old and totally in love with my husband... which is why i allowed him to take this photo of me in a bathing suit... in our private pool... There are hardly any photos of me other than close ups taken after 1991... I was in deep FAT awareness from then on... but for George... anything. Of course, I never expected anyone else to see this photo... and now, I would kill to look so good in a swimsuit.
In 1982, Our family took our first trip to DisneyWorld... and here i am in shorts... Only complete and total giddyness in the Happiest Place on Earth, would inable the allowance of my legs in full view... Those were some great Gams... but I didn't see it, at the time. All I saw was thunder thighs...

Does this naked little girl in the tub with her sister look like she's worried about Cellulite? Not yet, 1972, I was 3 years old... and blissfully naked.How about a bikini shot? Does this sweet little girl with her sister bathing in the summer sun seem concerned about stretch marks? It was 1974 and I was about 5

Here I was at 12... and i know I already thought I was fat... but I was gorgeous... and I can't believe that i wouldn't cherish my amazing curves...

Now, at 16... I was overly curvy... on my way to FATtown but not there yet... Of course, I thought I was huge... And I would kill for that body today.

Here I am at 20, 2 years before I met my George... and i couldn't put enough clothes on to cover my immense frame... Do you see where this is going?

I think sometime after or during puberty... when all my curves were coming into play... And the FAT... creeped into my mind first and then onto my ass... I wished I wasn't so worried about being or getting Fat long enough to just enjoy my teenage melodrama... You only get to once usually... unless you are cast on 90210 or something. I am trying to look at these photos with a fresh eye... and learn to like what I see.


  1. You are beautiful both then and now!! I do the same thing....looking back at pictures of when I *thought* I was fat and thinking now that I was crazy and that I would give anything to be *that* fat again. But now we have a second chance, a chance to take our lives back. And by damn we're going to do it!! Are you with me roomie?? We ARE doing this and we ARE going to be the active, spontaneous, energetic women we were meant to be!!

  2. Love the pics and thanks for sharing! I have a similar pictorial essay in my future- I do believe understanding hoe and why this happened to us is a big part of fixing it. Good for you! Also, your relationship with G is beautiful. Xxooo

  3. Nice pictures. I can completely understand where you are coming from. When I was in my 20's, at the weight I am now, after just having a baby, my ex husband gave me a hard time for being overweight. He made me think I was a fat slob. I have done a lot of damage to myself, but I am on the mend. You are married to a wonderful man who loves you for who you are, no matter how much you weigh. Good for you!

  4. Those are some awesome pics! I do the same thing. I don't think I have a single picture of me that I truely liked that was anything more than my face. We are all learning to love ourselfs agian. It is a long hard road that we are all sharing together. Thankyou for letting us into such a personal part of you :)

  5. Its a lesson Im trying to teach myself about my self image and also wasting time. As I age, I keep coming upon the revelations about my "past selves" like the ones you have here in this post. WTF were we thinking?? and WTF are we doing now, hiding & waiting to be thin before living and wearing clothes that make us feel good? Trying not to!!!!!
    Loved your pics, and totally feel you on this post!

  6. I totally understand this! I look at pictures of me in high school when I weighed 160lbs and I thought I was the Goodyear Blimp. I think I already thought I was big so packing on more weight went under the radar. Maybe if I had better self-image then I wouldn't have ended up where I am now.

  7. What a great post! You are beautiful - always have been and always will be!

  8. I felt the same way when I looked back at my younger photos. We just didn't see what we really should have seen.

    You were such a cutie (you still are)! So keep on looking at yourself on the outside and inside.

  9. You are, and have always been, beautiful! I know what you mean though. I thought I was HUGE in high school when I weighed maybe 160-170 pounds. I had no idea how perfectly normal I was, and I only wish I had appreciated it at the time.