HOPE.... A Four Letter Word!

As you know I am revising to the Gastric Bypass.... I have all the same insurance loops to jump through again. I am not as nervous as I was 2 1/2 years ago when I jumped through them before but it is still annoying and frustrating. 

1. Each month I see my dietician and one of the PAs in my surgeon's office for Weight Management visits... which consists of me telling them the same frustrations and issues and them telling me to try to eat more calories and that I am doing everything right and that I had more success with my band then most people have had... So we need something more aggressive. I HOPE that will start my metabolism up again!
2. Ok.... So I gain no new tips or knowledge and lose a few pounds that I gained last month or gain a few that I lost last month... and I lose more hope and a $40 co-pay, but I am one month closer to my fresh start. And my band is clearly not going to get me to a healthy weight, which the insurance company will see. Well, I HOPE they will see it too.
3. I am sliding through the process this time, there's no rush... I will get there. I just wish I could truly lose weight on the way, although the maintaining  within a 10 pound radius when I have so much left to lose.... that's what makes me lose HOPE. Will the next surgery only get me so far too? Will I be left again in a losing battle instead of a losing race? I hope that I can get down low enough that I will be able to really exercise without chronic pain and make it a routine instead of a dreaded event like a funeral. I HOPE to become able to be active and full of life, on the outside, because my inside is already there, most days.
4. Things are looking up, right? I am working toward a goal, a new journey... I am getting alot of tests for pre-surgery so I am getting a clean bill of health, well... semi-clean. My husband has his second interview for a new job today, and is just waiting to hear back. My niece is having her baby girl on monday,,, and my sister-in-law a few weeks later. It's a happy time, full of promise... Lots of stuff to look forward to... Summer's coming, BBQs and pool parties. I love spending time with my family and now that I am not obsessed with the food, as much... I am not distracted and I get to play and swim and tease my cousins... Good Times!  I HOPE that will distract me through the summer, and I will be pre-op by Fall.

Bullets... and thoughts.

It's feeling like a Bullet kind of week.... GO FLYERS!!!!!!

• My George(Husband) is searching for a job these days, and it hasn't been easy. But since our Philadelphia Flyers(Hockey) are in the playoffs right now, he has a Playoff Beard... Which I like to think is really a "I'm too lazy to shave beard"... It makes him look sloppy and older, and a little homeless, to which I say... If you don't want to end up homeless, you need to quit worrying about jinxing the team and start worrying about jinxing the interview process. The jynx thing... It's a real thing here, we are so superstitious about our teams that we've been known to do some pretty strange things... But Philly is a town full of Jinxes.

•  My eating has been pretty good, but the exercise is still not becoming a lifestyle. I will never be a Gym Rat. I hate working out. It's the pain that drives me away but I have been trying to take longer and longer walks and I am going to start going back to the gym to do water stuff(Better for my knees, back, etc)

•  I have an appt with my nutritionist and weight management team at UoP. I am starting my required tests too, this thursday is a chest xray and abdominal ultrasound. This Sunday night is my first sleep study, so I am on my way. It seems alot less stressful this time than it was the first time around... But we'll see. 

• A friend of mine had Gastric Bypass about 5 years ago and she's gained back 100 pounds, so she is working with Weight Watchers to take it back off... So I am thinking I will give myself a 10 pound window once I am near or at goal. It is what I have now and I haven't really re-gained weight back yet, even though my eating choices have been not so good at times. If I kept closer eyes on my weight 3 years ago, I would have never gotten that big, it was like I gave up on Losing, so I ended up gaining... Alot.

• The Sugar is still an issue... It is weird like I am Jonesing for some chocolate or candy, or ice cream and It gets so back that I want to drive to the WaWa in the middle of the night to get my fix. I don't do it, but It disturbs me that I get like that without eating alot of carbs and sugar. I remembered the cravings being less when I did the Atkins Style diets in the past. I am thinking it is the change in drinks, I always drink water with 4C Totally Light Iced Tea in it... but they were out of them so I got a few others which are also sugar free Splenda ones like Crystal Light and Diet Snapple but they have 5-10 calories in them and my usual ones have zero. It is the only real change. I know that my doctor wouldn't let me drink anything but water when I was fasting for my blood tests... Since the Splenda could mess your blood sugar up. So that's my theory, if there was any sweets in the house, I would believe I was sleep eating but there's nothing around.

It’s Friday – so it’s time for BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer 5 questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy to your own blog and enjoy!

1. Do you have any siblings? What is your relationship with them? Good, bad, ugly?

I have a brother who I am very close to whose given me the two most amazing nephews in the world and a incredible niece in progress.

I had a sister who passed away at the young age of 33, but I visit her everyday in the eyes of her daughter and soon to be granddaughter.

2. Let’s talk pizza. Do you prefer homemade or restaurant? What toppings are your fave?

 
I am not a huge fan of pizza so I am am pretty easy going about it but being from the Northeast, I prefer non-chain pizza to chain. I don't eat much of it.

3. When is the last time you cried – in sadness and in joy?

I cry all the time at movies, I cried during The Lucky One on Monday night, and it was the second time I saw it... but the tears still came. I cried in happiness and in joy during the same flick.

4. Do you own a gun – one that is specifically yours? Do you know how to use it?

No, I do not own a gun...

5. Repeat question. Summarize your week!

Well, Our Philadelphia Flyers won their 3rd playoff game against the Pittsburgh Penguins on Sunday, I found new amazing doctor on Monday and I saw The Lucky One on Monday night for the 2nd time, Tuesday We saw The Five Year Engagement and My Nephew Chase fell and they rushed him to the ER, Wednesday we got the news that Chase was fine, Our Flyers lost their first playoff game to the Penguins, and we saw Think Like a Man, Thursday we ran some errands and decided to skip The Bob Marley Documentary and stay home and my pregnant niece was dizzy and went to the hospital to get checked out(She is fine and they decided to wait to do her C-section til the scheduled date~April 30th, and Friday I am headed to see my nephews for the weekend and go to the carnival and Our Flyers are playing the Penguins tonight to finish off their series...GO FLYERS!... Just a regular week full of the drama and ups and downs of life.

Blog Name Change...Why Not?

Twelve Thing Thursday(a bonus for those of us who indulge and can't use moderation even with lists like myself).... 

1. I changed the name to my blog, I have been thinking about it for a while and this one fits me better so I did it. I do love me some Cupcakes...
2. Every find a purse you used last for a funeral and discover you stole a bunch of Equal and some crackers... No,... Me Either. 
3. I am obsessed with Cafe World on Facebook and it seems even virtual food gives me cravings.
4. Is it just me or Ruby right.... Tan Fat looks better than lily white fat?
5. I Think whoever invented Chocolate was a Sadomasochist... I mean, why doesn't something that tastes so good to your mouth have to be so awful for the rest of your body?
6. I am so excited because within the next couple weeks, my two baby nieces will be born... i am excited to meet them and introduce them to youse . I am introducing you to my culture... just as y'all is the plural of you in the South, Youse is the plural of you in these parts(Philly/Tri-State area)... LOL
7. I am loving the Smart Ones by Weight Watchers, I am not a huge frozen TV dinner person but it is fast and easy. They are a good amount of protein and high fiber. I like the little pizza thingys, they are like Pizza Bagels but more airy less dense bread. There are 2 servings in a box, 4 little pizza bites in each servings. I like the Chicken Rancheros too. Yum! Anyway, great in a jam. That's one of the great things about having WLS, these Lean Cuisine and other "Diet" frozen meals which seemed small before my WLS, now are more than enough, sometimes even too much.
8. I haven't been eating as much lately, I really need to put more effort into getting my calorie, fiber, and protein goals in... I am slacking off, and not eating every 3-4 hours like I am supposed to. I am going through that stage again where if you can't eat the junk you want, you would rather not eat at all... You will all experience that at one time or another, so be prepared and get yourself some protein shakes to keep your protein/calorie/fiber goals.
9. I have made a scrapbook for my niece and planned on making one for my Sister-in-law too, but again... I have been slacking off. I need to give myself a deadline, She is due May 9th... 
10. The weather here has been crazy... It was 89 one day and 40 the next. It is hard to get used to the drastic changes. 
11. I found a new doctor... If you have been reading my blog for a while you would know I very wasn't thrilled with my previous doctor, so I got a new doctor and she's amazing! Pro-active and very aggressive with my health... She is very thorough too. My blood tests which I am having will tell me what vitamins my system is low in, etc. She is completely on-board with my revision surgery and raves about my new surgeon, Dr Williams.
12. Well, We are coming up on the release date of the first Big Summer Blockbuster "Marvel's The Avengers"... and... Ladies, as you know... I am a Geekette by default, since I married a Geek. He is a SciFi Geek but gets totally into the comic book stuff too. Well, The Movie is amazing. Action Packed, Vibrant and Colorful... And Man Candy like crazy. You will enjoy it! So, Geek it up! PS... It doesn't hurt that all comic book heroines are gorgeous, powerful, fiesty redheads... like me... LOL

Random thoughts... Honesty is important, but can be cruel.

Random thoughts... Honesty is important, but can be cruel.

1. Just like there are class systems that everyone pretends not to notice...There are levels of Obesity. I was/am extremely morbidly obese, but there are people who are more Obese than me. I DO NOT consider myself above them, I just am happy that I got help before I ended up like them. Because we all, and I mean all... are capable of becoming Fatter. I am 42, and I wasn't always this fat... and I was never as fat as I was 2 1/2 years ago. If I hadn't had my surgery, I could be even bigger now, instead of thinner. When I am even thinner, I will not forget where I have been and where I was headed. 
2. There are some people here, who are thinner now.... I am so happy for them that they have made it to their goal and are maintaining that goal, but they are not doing better than me in this journey... they just had a shorter journey. They don't know what works for all of us, but they know what works for them.... I knew that at my original BMI, the Lapband was a hard road for me... but I needed that hard road to teach me how to maintain and be healthy. I am stronger than ever. There are mean girls everywhere, be stronger too! 
3. You are loved and supported, you are beautiful, and you are capable of doing anything you put your mind to do... You be healthier, but please keep your mind healthy too. We have an obligation to help each other and support each other. We are not obligated to become our own worst enemies, or worse become enemies of the Obese. We all come to reach for better health in our own time... some fight the YoYo Diets for longer and some succeed through diet and exercise without surgery, and then some live in denial for most of their lives. We have taken the next step....
4. Anyway, I am tired of beating myself up....I am happy with myself even though I am a work in progress, I am beautiful even though I am flawed, I am strong even though I am vulnerable, I am powerful... and I am successful.

WLS Do's and Don'ts.... A great post~Borrowed

WLS Do's and Don'ts

borrowed from LilMissDiva from VST

DO remove the word ONLY from your vocabulary. Ex: I’ve ONLY lost 10 Lbs in 2 weeks… Now let’s look at this again without the word ONLY: I’ve lost 10 Lbs in 2 weeks!! See what I mean? Perception is reality folks!!

DON’T assume you’ll never eat all of your favorite foods again. This is just an excuse your brain has designed to allow you to indulge. You WILL eat all your favorites again someday, just much less but find it to me more enjoyable. Which leads directly into the next:

DON’T do the “last meal” syndrome. You will only sabotage your weight loss you might have pre-surgery or set you back further from your ultimate goal post-op. This surgery is very serious and is for the serious minded. Use this time wisely to get the feeling of how life might be like post op.

DO learn all of the rules pre-op that you will endure post-op. Such as, no drinking with meals, using smaller utensils and plates, engaging in some type of workout routine, limiting your sugar and sodium intake, joining as many WLS support groups as you can.

DO celebrate every single pound lost! Imagine one pound of butter. Yeah… that’s gone from your body forever. It is noteworthy and worth every bit of a pat on the back as any others that may go along with it.

DON’T compare your successes and losses to others. Chances are very high that you will only come out on the short end and only find yourself disappointed. Everyone’s journeys are their own…

DO keep track of your losses in many different ways than just the scale! Examples:

DO keep one set of your largest clothes you’ve ever worn. Make it a point to try them on, especially when you’re having a down moment. You will find this will really pick up your spirits! This is a real rollercoaster of a ride, and anything that will keep you positive is what you should do!


DON'T keep any other fat clothes around. Get rid of them ASAP. You're never going to fit them again, right? So... off to donations they go.

DO take photos of yourself just before your surgery. Keep them close. Again, having a bad day? Look at them and compare them. As a matter of fact, take photos of yourself often. You will also find that the more you lose, the more you will want to take pictures. Nothing wrong with that!!! That goes with celebrating your losses. ;-)

DO take measurements of yourself often. Keeping track of all your inches lost will really keep you on the right track when your scale is being stubborn!!

DO reward yourself every time you hit a mini goal. Make some more worthy than others. I like to go shopping when I hit a goal, it is my favorite thing to do now.

DON’T let the scale define you. Great majority of us will endure many fluctuations and stalls in this journey. It is what it is… patience is the key here. Meditate and envision yourself months down the road at your goal. Smile, then move on!!

DO find out about measuring body fat! It’s more than just weight loss, FAT LOSS is the real goal here. Keep in mind that the BMI scale is greatly inaccurate and most Health Studies do prove this. According to the American Council on Exercise (ACE) our body fat % ranges should be average: 25-31% for Women and 18-24% for men. Any higher is considered obese. However it does go more in depth, according to ages and more. Everyone has different genetic make ups, frame sizes and fitness levels... even a different ethnicity can post differences.

DO have many goals in sight. Having only one, especially a simple weight goal you will find can be difficult. Have many MINI goals along your journey, and more than just ones that involve the scale. Such as, clothing size goals, body fat% goals, fitness or workout goals, dietary goals, etc…


DO challenge yourself always!! Whether it’s a global challenge with others, or personal challenges... It will keep you motivated and always willing to go further than you ever thought you could!

DO have a mentor! Find someone that you can trust and confide in, and that you know has “been there”. Preferably someone you know in person. You will find many folks in your life who have been there, for obesity is worldwide now and there are so many who have been able to defeat this demon. It’s not easy! It quite literally is the toughest feat I’ve ever had to endure. I can say this too, my job will never be done. This is for life!

And finally…

DON’T ever beat yourself up! We all make mistakes, and dare I say not one person on this Earth is perfect. I try hard to be, no doubt! I always admit that I’m a perfectionist – but I’m far from perfect. I just try to be… The only thing you can do is pick yourself up, give yourself a pep talk, perhaps contact your mentor for reassurance and move on!!! Again, this is for life. Every day you wake up is a second chance.

DO look for solutions to your problems. Otherwise they will just become excuses. 


DON’T EVER GIVE UP. I don’t think any explanation is necessary here.



Good luck to all of you. This journey is a tough one, but if you are here, then you believed in yourself enough to give yourself the life you’ve always dreamed of. YOU WILL BE successful. Always keep that in mind.

Add-ons by other experienced sleevers:


DO keep a list of NSV (Non scale victories) to reflect on when times are getting hard. Can you walk up 2 extra flights of stairs before getting winded? Cross your legs?" and

"DO NOT be afraid to change things if they aren't working. Stalls happen even gains happen. If you are on a long stall look at your eating and decided if changes need to be made. Utilize your tool!" -- Southern Sleever

DO: Keep a food diary of what you eat and drink. This is a great learning tool as to which foods have what amounts of fat, protein and carbs that add up to your daily intake goals. There are many ways to diary your food - from old fashioned pen and notebook to many options via smartphone apps. Keeping one is the important thing - however is right for you. I use mine now to look back for meal ideas when I hit a blank as to what to prepare for a day or a week.

DO: Realize this is not a diet to be followed for a while then set aside. This is a permanent lifestyle change. Yes, the amount of food you eat will increase as time passes, but your relationship with food will be forever altered. How you celebrate your joys, successes and holidays will be different. How you mourn your sorrows will be different. Some people need outside help to get through the sometimes overwhelming mental changes this process brings. If you need help with this part of the deal- reach out and get it. -- SKCUNNINGHAM

I often wonder....

I often wonder if I am meant to be Fat forever.... I have always struggled to lose weight but the addiction seems so strong lately. I am going to the Surgeon's office once a month and staying accountable... but I don't struggle to maintain at this high weight... I only struggle to lose. My food budget is not as high as it used to be so I am not able to keep the same routine lately. I haven't given up my Greek yogurt and fiber one breakfast, but protein shakes aren't in the budget these days... So they are gone. I am hoping that my husband finds a job soon, I feel like I am playing a waiting game most days and some days I am losing the game more than others. We are blessed to have a place to live but it is hard thinking about how much better we were in Florida, financially. When I spend time with my nephews and see how adorable my pregnant Sister-in-law and Pregnant Niece look, it is all worth it. I do not regret moving back home but a job would make everything better....Without money, I can't see my nephews as much because the gas is so pricey... and I can't eat as healthy because healthy foods are so expensive. I am hoping that we will turn this around soon...