Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Enema... A Love Story.(Graphic for Draz...LOL)
Well, There's a first time for everything...
I have had various bathroom issues for the first time post-band, including constipation. Which I never experienced pre-band and always thought... so you aren't poopin'. What's the biggie?
I have learned over these last 15 months what the biggie is.... Big Time! I started taking a stool softener daily once I was banded and after a while, mistakenly didn't think I needed it. I started getting more fiber and seemed pretty regular.... but once in a while, if I ran out of my fiber bars, fiber one cereal(like granola in my greek yogurt), etc. Even for one day, and It is on....
What is ON? A war between my Body and My waste.... Gas pains, and constipation... lead to a horrifying experience within my bottom... like giving birth to a porcupine. I give up after several excruciating contractions... and suffer in silence. It's kinda like PMS, except instead of something draining out of your body, It's something fighting to get out, like that Alien in that Guy's stomach.
Well, This weekend while I was at my brother's house... it started rearing it's ugly head... Literally. I was grumpy on the inside but Joyful on the outside since my nephews are the sun and the moon to me. But I bided my time between attempts to evacuate, you know how it is when someone outstays their welcome... Well, it's like that only more intense, and usually you don't get dramatic enough to wish for death when your in-laws come to visit.
Late last night I returned home to George and my fluffy Son... I felt like crap, and went right to bed after several more tortureous evacuation attempts and a visit to the CVS. I am laying in weird positions on my bed inserting a long pointy hard thing in my hole, but enough about that... let's get back to the Enema. Insert Uncomfortable giggle here.... There's something special about your first time, and this was no different. I was nervous and uncomfortable, and hoping for a quick painless in and out.... and there I was experiencing my first butt douche. Where will my body draw the line?
Fast forward... I feel much better. The humiliation and discomfort is BEHIND me... My behind is out of digestive distress and Draz has long ago passed out from Overshare Distress.
PS... You may not want to Google Enema images... especially you Draz!