To Our Beautiful Strong Barbara....

Babs, There are no words to calm your grief... but I never shut the hell up long enough to realize that so... i adored you from the moment I met you but when we realized that you knew my brother and his family who live so close to you... I knew we would be lifelong friends... Hearing the way you spoke about my bratty little brother and his sainted wife made me realize that you really care about people and give your whole self... always. I wish I had met Mark but I feel like I know him, He was a lover and a fighter... which is rare.... You are so full of love and happiness so I know whoever you chose to spend your life with would be incredible... indeed. I know you must not know what to feel right now... there's so many emotions overwhelming you at once.... but please, feel loved. We all love you and will be there for you... You have friends. I remember a beautiful poem that made me cry in between the laughs of Four Weddings and a Funeral by W.H. Auden.... Funeral Blues

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

W.H. Auden

Trying to keep my balls in the air!

Is it me or does everything I say sound dirty? Anyway, I have been working on getting more fiber... I switched to Atkins Daybreak Protein fiber bars, have one slice of high-fiber bread of 6 grams or more, I have been eating a small apple for snack, and mixing more high-fiber products into my daily menu... It is not easy to try to eat low carb, high protein, high fiber... They don't go together well. I've been doing alot of research to keep changing my routines and keeping it fresh. I have been doing my Just Dance for Wii.... mostly the 2nd one since I like that better... I ordered the Zumba fitness DVDs from QVC when they were on (Thanx Karin for telling us on facebook about them having the Zumba set... It is 8 DVDs and the Toning sticks that are like maracas with weights... LOL I can't wait to shake my booty in the privacy of my own home so only my husband can laugh at me. Well, everything is going pretty smoothly these days, so I will not bore you all with too many details.... but I'll write again soon. BTW****My prayers go out to Barb(My New Life Rules) and family today... I love you Barb. I wish I could be there to give you a hug. Mark was a wonderful man and I'm so sorry for your tragic loss.

A "Heavy" Subject!

Well, I started watching the show "Heavy" on A&E... I knew it would be an emotional roller coaster ride but I will continue watching... since I no longer delude myself into thinking that my weight has not affected my life and health. I find myself seeing these people and wishing success for them, as if I have been where they're at... and I am cured, but I am aware that I am not cured and have had several relapses over the last 10 months but I am still rockin' my band and losing or maintaining depending on the week. I wanted to watch the show to keep myself motivated since I never plan on going back to that way of life... or lack of life. I still give in to the cravings from time to time but I am much more aware of what goes in my mouth and the consequences of my choices... which sort of makes me a "Obesity Survivor". I am in remission from the Cancer of Obesity and Food Addiction. It is a wonderful feeling... I learn each day what I can add to my routine to give me more success and NSVs. I am enjoying being here... in my own life....really being here.

New year... Underway! Get it together, Maria!

i am milling around, not gaining weight but not losing much either... I guess I should think myself lucky since not all my eating choices have been good ones but I need to get more involved... Physically and Emotionally. Our Move and the plans, fears that go with it are causing some stress eating and lack of time for exercise... I know, i know... Take time for my health and well being. i will, I will! You guys are such nags... Or is that the voices in my head... probably both. I want to get and stay on track since moving back to Philly will throw a cheesesteak stuffed soft pretzel into my routine for sure...I feel ok but I could feel better and thinner. I haven't been updating my ticker either and I used to jump on every pound... with a celebratory ticker update. Anyway, I am back in O-Town and back going through stuff and getting rid of stuff... I have alot of stuff. Growing up poor keeps my mind thinking... What if we need that? Growing up Fat... keeps my mind thinking, what if I slip back into that size... Counterproductive... to say the least. I got some great new-to-me clothes from Heidi(Shrinking Mommy) and Amy(Babbles of a Bandster) so I can let go of some of my baggy-assed frumpy things... and get my style on!

Forgive me Followers... For I have Sinned.

Forgive me Followers for i have Sinned.... It's been 12 days since my last confession... I have taken the Lord's name in Vain... actually, I have comfortably fit right into my old mouthy ways... I have re-perfected the Art of the "EFF" word... as Noun, Pro-Noun, Adjective, Adverb, And of course... Verb. The "EFF" word is so over-used here in Philly that we have invented many other versions of the "EFF" word.... Like Friggin', Freakin', Frickin', Effin', Frick... i am trying to just scream "Filth" since that is the best, most descriptive "EFF" word, that really sums it up but I love the "EFF" word and all it's variations. It's so wrong but it feels so right! Anyway, I have coveted... everything. i am wanting to shop like crazy and i was planning on living more simply from now on... What is wrong with me? i want to buy all kinds of things I probably don't need... but I really like. i am trying to leave that "ME" behind... Manic Much? Well, Then there's the Gluttony thing... The food up here is why I am fat in the first place... Soft Pretzels and Cheesesteaks... and then there's a Soft Pretzel stuffed with Cheesesteak... All-night Diners with their umpteen layer cakes and Rice Pudding which I love... I am trying to figure out what i will be able to find to continue my new healthier eating habits... and I keep ending up in a Carb Coma pledging for a day full of "Chicken and Lettuce, Bitch!" tomorrow... and tomorrow never comes. i don't want to go back to Florida... I am ready to live here surrounded by Cheesesteaks and Family Food Pimps... I love them all, Unconditionally. Please don't let the scale forsake me! I promise that Tomorrow will be only Chicken and Lettuce, Bitch! Amen.

Road trip...to Philly

Well, we are hitting the road to head to Philly for a little over a week to prepare a couple things for our move. It is a long drive but we will be there sometime tomorrow night. I look forward to seeing my nephews and the place where we are going to live... including checking out some thrift shops to see what else I can cheaply replace so I don't have to drag it along. I wanted to blog about my fun time this weekend with Heidi, Stephanie, and Amy but haven't had the time yet... I wanted to blog about my first roller coaster ride in 5 years... but I haven't had the chance yet... I wanted to blog about my upcoming trip to Philly... but I haven't done it until now... What's a girl to do? I have been keeping busy these days and I will write again soon to let you in on the details... Talk to you soon.... GO EAGLES!!!!!!(Sorry Amy... i still love you!)