Memorial Madness

Well... We are headed into a weekend full of fun and dance. Tonight, (Friday) is my youngest Niece Avery's first dance recital... and I am super excited. She is like a little angel and I can't wait to see her dance ballet like one.

As you can see, she has red hair like me... but I try not to play favorites....lol. I am very blessed. 

            Saturday, We have a Pool Party/BBQ at my Aunt's house. My Aunt Donna and I are very close in age so we are more like sisters. She is 4 years and change older than me but looks younger.... We are besties... speak on the phone several times a week, tell each other everything, etc. She and her husband are getting divorced and this is her first party in 22+ years without him.... I know she'll do amazing because she's incredible but I am glad to be going for support. 

As you can see we always have a good time at my Aunt's.... And my husband is one big kid...lol

                     Sunday, Is another BBQ at my Stepsister's house. Jen has 4 awesome kids and I look forward to seeing them as I don't see them often. I am thinking that I will need a break monday.... 

              My keys to calorie conscious BBQing.... 
             1) Always eat before you go... make sure to not go hungry.
             2) Use small plates and small spoons... 
             3) Eat meat/protein first... and skip the bun if you can.
             4) Find a spot away from the food area....and drink lots of water
             5) Mingle/Socialize... Isn't that why you're there anyway?
             6)Get involved in activities... Swim, play yard games, etc.
             7)Bring a healthy dish which you love... 
             8) Only eat your favorite things, and only in small doses if they're unhealthy.
             9) Fresh fruit is a great dessert item.
            10) Remember to not beat yourself up... it's a party, and you'll lie if you want to... give yourself a break... and jump right back on the horse, Don't give up after eating a treat or 2!

One day at a time....

              I wish i was normal sometimes... even though it's boring in most ways... normal metabolism would be amazing. i dare not ask for a fast one...lol. I promised myself long ago, that if i slipped backwards... i would stop myself from falling by jumping back in line. I eat healthy but i tend to snack and crave sweets. I was diabetic and have been normal for years after losing alot of my extra weight... i gained a little back but I am happy to be mostly stable. but now i am pre-diabetic again... So I need to watch my sugar and carbs more closely. Doing this will make sure I start losing weight... so what's stopping me from diving in? Fear of failing? Maybe. I feel like I don't have a sleeve... I never really overate.... but I always loved sweets and i try not to eat them... but I cave sometimes... just one, just today, just this party... just Epic Fail.
              I know I have will power. I have lost hundreds of pounds dieting over the years... but I have also gained back a ton. I need to "Check Myself, before I Wreck myself".... Just because my fat diseases are in remission doesn't mean i am cured... I don't want them back or the weight back. I don't mind a break from dieting once in a while but not so long that I forget where I've been and how hard it was to get here... I will make a new plan and get back on the horse before I end up breaking his back and my spirit.

Life Happens

I admit that I sometimes believe that I'll always be fat... Do I have to be unhappy or downright miserable to lose weight? I am a happy person.... I love life, I love myself, I am in love with an incredible man, I feel fulfilled. How is this possible when I'm morbidly obese? My health is much better since I had a Lapband and sleeve.... But my weight, although it's lower.... Isn't low enough. I didn't have high expectations,... I am 5'10", so I could be content around 250. Do I have to hit rock bottom again?