Well, The Verdict is....

Gastric Sleeve... That is my next step. It seems with the damage from my lapband and my hernia repair makes the gastric bypass too risky so I decided that the sleeve will be a great compromise. I will have to have it done open instead of laparoscopically. Which will cause a longer recovery time and more scarring.... but since my stomach looks like a world map at this point so who cares about that part. So my insurance company started covering the sleeve a week ago so they are putting it through to be approved... and I should be scheduled for surgery next month. All in All... Very Good News! So thanx for all the support, prayers, and well wishes during this incredibly stressful, traumatic time. XOXO *M*

Nervous.... but Anticipating an Answer of some sort.

Well, Tomorrow is my follow up with my Surgeon... I am nervous, but glad that my Anxiety Disorder will have less fuel.... I am anxious to get some answers but scared that I won't like what I'll hear. Could all this be happening because of my food addiction? I mean it's still there under the surface, not far under the surface either... I need help, with WLS it was way more controllable, And I need more control, way more control! Please... Oh Please, Don't let him fire me. I don't want to start over... I want to get my old tired journey over, and start whatever may be my new one...

How I'm Feeling?....

Well, I went to the hospital to have my surgery today.... I was stuck with IVs and needles, including an Epidural in my back. I was cut with 2 incisions... and the Surgeon couldn't do the Gastric Bypass because I have too much Scar Tissue from my LapBand. My Insurance doesn't pay for the Gastric Sleeve yet, but hopefully soon.... So, 

1. I am Feeling.... Sore
2. I am Feeling... Helpless
3. I am Feeling... Depressed
4. I am Feeling... Traumatized
5. I am Feeling... Annoyed
6. I am Feeling... Hurt
7. I am Feeling... Beaten
8. I am Feeling.... Fat
9. I am Feeling... Sad
10. I am Feeling... Alone
11. I am Feeling... Hopeless
12. I am Feeling....Confused
13. I am Feeling... Incurable
14. I am Feeling...Vulnerable
15. I am Feeling...  Incomplete

But Most of all.... I am Feeling Sorry For Myself! Hopefully, After a good night's sleep... I will Awake with a Fresh Perspective. Until Then... Color me BLUE

Tomorrow... Is the Day!

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya Tomorrow, You're only a Day away! I am nervous, but I am more excited.... I will start my new chapter of this journey tomorrow when I have my Gastric Bypass surgery, Those of you who have followed me since the beginning know that I went to my original surgeon for Gastric Bypass years ago, but he encouraged me to have the lap-band and the adjust-ability sounded nice. I should of stuck to my guns and I would probably be near or at goal by now... But I would never have gotten to meet alot of you amazing folks, if I wasn't a Bandster for those 2 1/2 years. And my new surgeon says he can't believe how successful I was with my band, so I think I have a great foundation for this to work long term. I am anxious... excited... relieved... and looking forward to being on the other side of this surgery, tomorrow night.... Wish Me Luck! I love you guys!

Update... and getting excited.

Well... I am still doing ok with my pre-op diet, but it looks like I will be doing it for one extra day... They moved my surgery to Tuesday instead of Monday.... I am looking forward to being on the other side of this hill, riding down the downhill part for a few weeks. Maybe not, downhill pain-wise, but definitely hunger-wise. Keep your fingers crossed....